Can't Afford To Lose Another Second With You (Scömìche)

I Love You

I was fucked up. 

What was this hell hole I had fallen into and couldn't get back out? How was I supposed to get back out of this mess that I've made? Well - technically, I hadn't made this mess. It wasn't my fault. It was nobody's fault, really. Well, maybe it was Scott's fault because he was too handsome and too good, maybe it was his parents' fault, being too good-looking and raising a perfect young boy, but whatever it was, the stars had decided to align so that I had a damn big problem. 

I was falling hard. 

Although I enjoyed the tingly feeling in my chest and the sparks that seemed to fly around when we kissed, I was insecure. I could not love him. Him, of all people. But forbidden fruit always tastes the sweetest, am I right? 

Dear goodness, the kisses. We'd taken a break from kissing ever since... That happened on New Year's Eve and I'd promised not to kiss him ever again unless I meant it. And... I had definitely meant it. More than anything. And when he'd seen me in that lace dress, I swear there had been something in his eyes. But the mood had been very sexual already, so it must've been nothing. Nothing more than just lust, maybe. He was a hormonal teen, after all. It must've been nothing more than that. 

And today he was coming over again. My heart pounded faster at the thought and I felt my lips curl up into a smile, but still, I was a bit insecure. Whatever he was saying about me, that he liked kissing me and everything, I knew he didn't mean it that way. Hell, three months had passed and while I knew he had been in love with me at some point, after everything with us and then with Kate, I was a hundred percent sure he didn't feel anything for me anymore. The realization hurt, but I was okay. We were best friends, and that was good enough. I did want more, but there was no chance for me to ever have him like that, again. I wonder, what if I had really meant it back then? What would we be today if I had really been in love with him last Christmas? But some things just happen too late. 

I had ruined my chances to ever be with him before I had even wanted us to be a couple. 
So for now, we were stuck with kissing platonically and me desperately chasing after something I'll never get. 

I splashed my face with cold water, shaking my head, trying to get rid of the thoughts. I shouldn't be focusing on never being able to call him mine, and instead focus on the things we have together. We have an amazing friendship, which is really more than I could ever ask for. There was a high chance of us kissing tonight, and I couldn't help but feel a small tingle in my chest, fluttering heart going too fast for it to be platonic in any way. 

No, it wasn't platonic. I was in love with him. 
In love. Love. I loved him. It sounded so good in my head. 

It's crazy what love makes you feel like. Being in love, it feels like I've been reborn in the weirdest way. I hadn't been able to feel anything before, but he made me see the world from a different perspective. His love for me had made me feel bad, guilty for not reciprocating, but now my love for him had made me the best person there was. I loved and I cared and I was truly happy. But of course it sucked being the only one who loved. Scott didn't love me back, and maybe one part of me was okay with it, but the other was disappointed and sad. But I tried not to focus on that. 

The doorbell rang and I ran downstairs, opening the door and falling into the blonde boy's arms. He hugged me tight, his muscular arms making me feel safe and secure. 

"Mitchy," he whispered and kissed my cheek, making me blush. "I've missed you, sweetheart." 

"Me too" I admitted, melting into the hug, not wanting to let go. He smelled of old spice and mint, with a hint of Gucci Guilty - of home. He loosened his grip and looked at me, smiling.