Can't Afford To Lose Another Second With You (Scömìche)

The In-Between Part 2

I couldn't have been happier for Mitch to come back to school. Even though it left a bitter taste in my mouth everytime I saw him, I was genuinely happy to have him around. Alive.

I could see how much he was struggling, how much he just wanted to make up but I needed to be ready for it. And I clearly wasn't.

He lied to me in the worst way you could possibly lie to someone. He treated me like I was his toy and he could use it and then throw it away as soon as he found a better one. And I wasn't sure I would ever be able to forget that. But I missed him, and the time we spent together. I missed having late night chats and playing games. I missed sneaking into the cellar to steal the best wine we could find. I missed going to the rooftop with him. I missed kissing him. Even if it meant nothing. There was nothing I missed more than soft touches and his stupid strawberry flavored chapstick. Touching the material of his clothes because it looked so soft and fancy, and listening to him talk about big brands for half an hour even though I had pretty much no knowledge at all of what he was talking about. I missed him. He had done lot of bad but what if there was a way good could outweigh the bad? He wasn't a bad person. He just happened to make the wrong decisions. And by no means was I trying to justify his actions because there was no way I would ever be able to. I'm just saying that I missed the way it had been. I just wanted my best friend back.

But what if he would do it again? Lie to me and break me even more? I was already broken. I couldn't be fixed one more time.

Even though I doubted Mitch would ever be capable of making the same mistake again, I was scared. I was scared to take the step and text him, ask him to hang out. Part of me wondered if he even wanted me around. I could see how uncomfortable he felt when we were together. How short his answers were when I asked him something, almost as if he wanted to get away as soon as possible.

I took out my phone and hesitantly typed a message.

Me: Hey, Mitch. How are you?

I still loved him, without a single doubt. He was a passionate, caring, sensitive person who had a thing for too much alcohol and kissing, and honestly, it sounded like there were worse people out there.

But with our friendship being shattered, the only thing that was left for me was to be as good as I could be for him. I couldn't be more than that. I couldn't save him, no matter how much I wanted to. I just needed to accept that, even if it was hard.

My phone buzzed and the screen lit up with a new message.

Mitch: Hi. I feel alright, I think. Not especially bad. How about you?

I smiled. The fact that he was feeling as okay as it could get and that he was actually being honest warmed my heart. I immediately texted back.

Me: I'm okay.

I sent the message but hesitated, not turning my phone off just yet. I added,

Now that I'm talking to you.

The next minutes it took Mitch to reply were the longest few minutes in my life. My stomach clenched when I reread the message I had sent, wondering if I had taken it too far. But thankfully, four anxiety filled minutes later, my screen lit up again.

Mitch: What's wrong?

I raised my eyebrows in question. Why was he thinking there was something wrong?

Me: Nothing, I'm just happy to be talking to you.

I waited for an answer but when nothing came after two minutes, I typed in,