What you know (Hamilton cast)

Sixty

Lin's POV
"Okay, now you're all watching me."

"She caught us." Thayne says. We look away from Kelsey as the game of never have I ever continues.

"Kelsey!" Someone yells, a few minutes later. Kelsey has no fingers left. I laugh.

"I'm almost not surprised. Okay, we keep this game appropriate and give Kelsey three fingers back." I think everyone agrees because she had a tough time after high school and working as a stripper can lead to a less- well, appropriate life.

"Never have I ever drank underage."

"You just want me out of this." Says Kelsey.

"Oh shit." He remembers. "Drank rum and coke." He looks at her. "I mean, whiskey before I was twenty-one."

"Get away from the alcohol." Carleigh says.

"Orange juice with pulp!"

"Thank you." Kelsey says. She doesn't lose after that but she gets out soon. She blends in and none of us worry- or show our worry- the next two games until we're playing big booty and Renée says number eight and number eight isn't there.

"Kelsey?"

"One second." She calls, rushing off the stage and into the wing, putting her phone to her ear. We shrug it off and continue without number eight.
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Kelseys POV
He can't. No.

It's like the little security that I had before is gone. It's been a long time, I know, but we'll be in the same world and I don't know if I can feel safe again. Not having anyone all week was great. But it was great because I was okay. Well, more than I am now at least. Now I need them. But what if they can't help. They can't help with this.

I walk back out to stage, and through the wing. They're still playing so I go and sit on the steps, watching, and trying to laugh but I feel shaky and don't know where my mind was. I knew it was coming. I always new. But I could always say that it's so far away. It's not far away. I even had notice but I just tried to ignore it. I can't ignore it.

"Kelsey." I look over at Lin. "You wanna join us?" I should say yes. I want to seem okay. But I can't. I shake my head.

"Where's Carleigh?" I manage.

"Girls ensemble dressing room."

"Thanks." I stand and walk off the stage, making my way to the room. Carleigh and Betsy are in there.

"Hey Kels."

"Hey." I again, barely manage. They look at me worried but then glance away, knowing they aren't supposed to show it. They probably think I haven't see the pattern yet. That I don't know what they're doing yet. That's alright. I need some time to myself. But I can't stay in here. I walk out again, unsure of why I came at first, and go to the lockers where I climb in one that's never used and rest my head on my knees.
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"I can't find her anywhere." I wake up to. "I've looked all around and I have no clue where she went." Says Anthony. I push the lock up quietly, climbing out while there is silence. I shut the door and walk out of the room, having no clue which door they are through. Not this one.

I feel a pressure as someone lays there hand on my shoulder. I take a sharp breath., jumping away from it, my heart sunken to my stomach and my chest empty. I start to shake again, this time a combination of realization and fear, on top of the fact that It was only Daveed and I just jumped like it was a taser.

"I found her." I hear steps as people run into the hallway.

"Kelsey. You're okay." Lin says. I don't know how long I was gone. They probably realized that not to long ago so I hope they were having a good time before. I would hate to ruin it. He goes to hug me but I back away.

"Rules are off." He says. "Kelsey wins."

"What?" Asks Anthony.

"We need to help her. We can't wait for her to tell us things."

"Win what? Win the fact that I can't come to them when things are wrong? I can't find words though. I need to just tell the truth. My dad's getting out of prison." But they keep looking at me as if I hadn't said anything. Did I say it. "My dad. He's out of prison this week."

"Kelsey. Can you please give us a hint to what is wrong?"

"I just told you what was wrong! He fucking raped me as a child and he gets out in three days. I have no security left. That's all I had but you guys. I hate that you worry so much because I'm hurting you but I need you. Okay? I was wrong!" My mouth is still shut. "Can you hear me? Am I speaking?"

"Kelsey, please." Lin begs.

"I'm trying to tell you!" The tears that had been filling my eyes spill out.

"Just say something."

"I am!" But it's clear now, that I'm not. That I'm mute. Selective mutism is the wrong term. I would do anything to tell him right now. And all I can do is stand here and cry. They're gonna worry and I can't do anything. If I told them what was wrong, they would at least know. There was plenty of time where I thought that no one cared but now I can see that they do. They might have been able to help and I might stop hurting them by keeping everything from them.

God, take all my security if they can be let be. Make them not care. Why do they have to care? Sure I want to feel save but if I hurt others in the process, what's the point. I'm just wasting there time and energy. And I can't make this slightly better because I can't speak!
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A/N- I didn't know that I was gonna this until the SENTENCE that I did it. Let's see where this goes.