What you know (Hamilton cast)

Eighty-eight

"You are so distracted." Justice says. I shrug, looking back down at my book.

"Someone asked me yesterday online if you were always reading. You were in the background of a video."

"I do schoolwork."

"But since that dialed down, you've been reading."

"Nothing wrong with books."

"I wanna know why. Not that its bad but- Why books?" I shrug.

"Someone else's story. I like learning about people."

"I know. But there's people in this cast that you barely know."

"Try me."

"Name a show Aubin was in before this."

"Annie. Sorry if I seem extremely self absorbed."

"Not at all. The opposite. Just, like your trying to get away from us."

"I do listen to you guys."

"I know you do. Maybe too closely. Just. You know, you'll have a lot of time to just read when your older. You should really enjoy life a little now."

"That's what I'm trying to get away from." I snap. Basically the whole room looks at me. I put my book down and pull my sweater over my shirt that I changed into ten minutes ago. I grab my bag and put it on my shoulder, rushing out the door. Why did I say that. I get to my complex and lazily make my way down the hall to my apartment. My phone starts buzzing.

"Lin?"

"What happened?"

"I was just an idiot."

"For saying how you felt?"

"For thinking that things could be different here. Thinking ghat I could keep my mouth shut long enough to have friends."

"You had friends here. And we knew a lot."

"How's the show?"

"You really wanna hear about it?"

"Every detail. Please." I day, sitting on my bed.

"Alright."
-
"Bye, Niki." I say before hanging up. We've been hanging out and I've managed to keep my mouth shut. I've vowed to at work. I want my friends back.

"Who's that?" The other Sam asks. Aberman.

"A friend." I say, quietly.

"You don't have to be afraid to-" I look past her.

"Jackson."

"What?" I spring up and jun the short distance from the door.

"You're a day early." I say, jumping up and wrapping my legs around his waist. He gives me a kiss and I don't really mind because I've needed it for so long, even if it's quick.

"I wanted to surprise you."

"You did. Big time."

"I noticed. Introduce me to your friends?"

"Jackson," I say, unraveling my legs as ge mets me down, "this is the woman's ensemble of Hamilton Chicago, ensemble, this is Jackson, who isn't technically supposed to be in here."

"Then maybe we should get going."

"Yeah, let me grab my stuff." I rush over and grab my bag, putting it on my shoulder.

"You hurt her, you're dead." Justice says.

"Justice!" She laughs but Jackson is clearly afraid of them and their cold glares at him, despite not knowing who he is and almost nothing about him. "Let's go."
-
He sets me down gently, putting his other leg over me, his lips pressing my head into the mattress. Passion turns to fear.

"No." I muffle. I don't think that he can understand it as he continue to remove my clothing. "Jackson."

His mouth travels down my neck and I whimper, which makes him hesitate. But then he continues, not knowing if he heard it.

"No. Stop. Jackson, please." I beg.

"Okay, I'll stop." He says, panic and concern laced in his voice. He climbs off me and I fix my clothing and turn to the side. "Are you mad at me?"

"No. Not you. I can't do it."

"You did last time."

"I was drunk. And I'd seen you so much before I left." I start sobbing. Curling up in a ball. He puts his clothes on and grabs an old shirt, putting it on me and then pulling me into a hug.

"It's alright. I'm here. I'm here and I'll be here while your asleep and when you wake up. I'm not going anywhere and I will never force anything in you." I wrap my arms around him and feel his body cover my shaking one.

"Thank you."