What you know (Hamilton cast)

Forty-nine

"What?" Lin asks. "I don't suppose we can cancel the show at this point. Who's gonna go on if there's no one that covers it here?"

"We pull from the ensemble." Tommy says.

"And fix the blocking the second time today?" Tommy sighs.

"There is one other girl to cover it. It's all we have-"

"Two. Two girls."

"No, Carleigh covers Eliz-"

"No, Kelsey."

"What about Kelsey?" They glance over at me where I stand, organizing the bobby pins and elastics that I found yesterday during the show, just on the floor, in her halls, on the table where we would sometimes eat. I found a lot and I've been doing this for ten minutes.

"Kelsey covered Peggy and Maria." He looks at me. "I know it's been a while but everyone seems to have laryngitis and we need someone."

"Tommy." Lin says. "Kelsey, it's up to you." I'm gonna be the cheesiest person ever for a moment. Forgive me.

I am not throwing away my shot.

"Sure." Tommy smiles. "But I have to somehow cover my wrist."

"Um, I'll handle that. Get dressed and warm up. And tell people so they know ahead of time. We don't have time to rehearse, I really hope you know it." He says before rushing out of the room.

"Yeah, me too." I mumble.

"You'll do great. Warm up with Pippa and Renée after you get dressed. They'll go over it with you."

"Okay." I hurry to get make up on and in consume. Instead of the braid cornrow thing I used to do, I only have to pull back the front pieces and tie them.

I only get to go through The Schuyler Sister with them before we have to go to the wing. Pippa let me borrow her binder so I go through the other songs in the wing, in my head.

People keep looking at my wrist. They, look at my wrist, wish me luck, and then look at my wrist again. It's wrapped but they all know what's under the wrap. Someone rushed over to me, putting yellowish bands around my wrists that covers the bandage. It matches the costume but people didn't wear that. What are you gonna do though?

The first song goes well, granted, I'm only in it from "Me, I loved him." But still. Crap. I have to kiss Lin for like ten seconds in act two. Oh god. He's basically my father! He seems just like one. What if I can't take that again. My father used to kiss me. What if I flip- I need to calm down. I'm acting. This is Lin. An actor who has looked after me and not for sex. I'll be fine.

Act one goes smoothly. I've rehearsed it before. Act two was only rehearsed with Javier.

I go over the song backstage during intermission, and the others quickly. I'm afraid that I'm just gonna go, "no!" to myself because I'm so used to the ensemble parts.

The first few lines go well. I do as I'm supposed to but it's much different than the ensemble or Peggy.

"Then her mouth is on mine, I do not say," I walk towards him. Great. We begin the kiss, too close for my liking. Any kiss would be too close. Our lips should never touch. The seconds pass like minutes, me just wanting to stop, but I throw myself back into being Maria and try to forget just how much Kelsey hates this. At last, it's over.

"I didn't know any better."

"I am ruined."

"Please donn't leave me."

"I am helpless." We both sing.

"Just give him what he wants and you can have me."

"I don't want you." Ouch. Maria. Be Maria.

"If you can pay you can stay." I soon feel back in character which is good because I'm completely detached from myself.

I have like seventeen songs that I'm not in. People say good job on my way backstage and I thank them and wish them luck. I get changed and someone takes a picture of Pippa and I in our nightgown type dresses to keep the memory. I color for a while while I wait. Some people come back here between songs and I smile to say "hello" but continue to now draw. I doodle a little and then draw a cat, as realistic as I can, with the pencil. After a few doodles, I wash the graphite off of my hands, quickly, and get to the wings.

The last song is enjoyable. I like singing with everyone, no matter what part I am. We take our bows and head back to the dressing rooms to change.

"Kelsey." I turn around to see Lin in the doorway.The voice from the speaker calls the company to stage. "Good job tonight. That was amazing!"

"Thanks. You too. You should head down." He nods, agreeing, and takes my hand, leading me down with him. The first few minutes on stage are notes.

"Moving on, good job, Kelsey." Several people cheer and I smile. "For stepping into a roll that quickly after that much time off, and little rehearsal as those characters ever. That kiss though." A few people laugh. "It was fine but-"

"Awkward."

"Cringe worthy." I laugh, along with Lin.

"For us too." I say. He nods, agreeing.

"But where'd you learn to kiss like that?" He asks. I feel my face flush and look down as a few people chuckle. I know it was a joke m. But I'm very uncomfortable.

I end up tucking myself away in the same room I was in before, drawing a little girl with a tear stained cheek and doodling John Laurens swimming with turtles.