What you know (Hamilton cast)

Ninety-one

Ambers POV
I want to talk to her. I want her to be happy again. And have friends again. And to be her friends again.

At least performing takes my mind off of this. Not that my friends don't, but she's always in the background. Alone. Reading or doing work and it's really sad.

"Hey. Good job." I say to Sam in the wing before drinking my water. I glance at Kelsey who is sipping hers and rocking on her feet. She puts it back in the compartment and I move on.

The show is going well but during Helpless, I see something out of the corner of my eye. Someone mess up. And when I get turned, I see it for a quick moment.

Her dance partner scoop up her limp body before it falls. He cradles her and the entire stage becomes tense. When something goes wrong, you figure it out and keep going. It's annoying, terrifying, but gets your adrenaline pumping. A good actor keeps going. It can be exciting even. But not when you're friend collapses on stage.

And I had seen her panicking. But I didn't know why she was acting weird in the wing. She's been acting weird for a while, though. And I was gonna wait it out. Wait for her to come to us. And I thought she was gonna. And soon. And she might have. She might. But she's in the wing, unconscious, and I have to pretend that it didn't happen for the entire rest of the show.
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Kelseys POV
I shift when something cold is placed on my head and whimper at the temperature change before opening my eyes to see the nurse and a few people that work here glancing over.

"Please tell me I got off the stage first." I say, quietly. He shakes his head.

"Your dance partner caught you." He removes the ice. But I still collapsed in front of an audience.

"Do you have any idea why this might have happened."

"I changed medicine three month in a row but it's been fine for over a month." He looks at his computer.

"I've known you for a while, but I know very little about your history of Anorexia nervosa."

"I don't go around talking about it."

"Are you still seeing a therapist?"

"You think I'm anorexic."

"Some people are concerned that you haven't been eating. I'm not going to ignore that, and even more so now that you passed out during a show. Schedule an appointment with your doctor."

"Okay."

"Eat these." He hands me some crackers. I don't fight it. I do as he says and eat them, thank him, and then get my stuff. I have a flight tomorrow early I'm the morning and I need to go. But when I see the girls, I get scared.

We don't know what to say.

I walk away and take off the top from act one, hanging it and quickly replacing it with a blue shirt over my bra. I finish getting ready and walk back to them.

"I messed up more than you guys have in the show." I say, referring back to that day they were talking about it. When Chris took the picture of me with the book. "Bad joke." I look at my feet as they sit in their seats, looking at me. "I want to want to have friends again. I'm working on it. I'll go back to my therapist-"

"You stopped going?"

"She thought I might be bipolar and I didn't want to know." I grab my bag and rush out the door. The fast movement make me dizzy but I walk out anyways.

A little girl asks me if I'm in the cast and I lie and say no so no one asks me to stop because if I do, I'll be on the ground in no time. I somehow make it back. I'm not bipolar. If I am, then that is confusing as hell.