What you know (Hamilton cast)

Twenty-one

Kelseys POV
I wake up with a massive headache. The light from the window pours in a room that's not totally unfamiliar, though I've never seen it from this angle.

"Morning, sleepyhead." I turn my head away from the window and to Carleigh, sitting in the chair next to me. I push myself up with my weak feeling arms. I know what happened. Memories don't come flooding in or anything. I just know what happened up until Lin told her to pack some of my stuff. I wrap my arms around her and she does the same back. "Oh, don't ever do that to us again. I didn't know it was so bad, Kelsey." I don't really know what to say so I just hug my friend tightly. When we both back away, I wipe my eyes. She smiles.

I realize that I'm in the same clothing that I was yesterday. Underwear, a sports bra, and a black shirt.

"Lin is at the theater, talking to Tommy about an upcoming performance." She says.

"You think he would mind if I take a shower?"

"You have to leave the door open. Not the curtain but the door. He put some clothes in the bathroom. I'll be in here, reading." I get up an go into the bathroom. I hate having the door open but it's what I get for my impulsive actions. I wash myself, dry, and change before opening the curtain.

"You out?" Asks Carleigh from the other room.

"Yeah." She puts down a magazine while I clean up.

"So your birthday is next week?"

"Yeah, Tuesday."

"Are you excited?"

"I don't know. Does it seem like I really care about turning twenty?" I ask with a laugh. I get pity in return for my joke. "It was a joke. I'm impulsive." I walk out and sit down on the bed, facing her. "I don't want to kill myself, but last night I was in a bad place, and I acted upon my thoughts before I organized them. I'm not suicidal."

"Oh, you say that but look at what you've done to yourself. Your legs and wrists. I see how you look at yourself and I hate it." I look down at the shorts I was given. My cuts can be seen. I don't know exactly how I should respond.

"Carleigh, people can cut or hate themselves and not be suicidal."

"So you do hate yourself."

"Again. Before I organized my thoughts."

"And what if you always organize them but who you really are is the first ones that come to mind." There's a knock on the door and then it opens. Tommy and Lin are there. Tommy comes over to me and gives me a hug. My hair might get him a little wet but he seems okay with it. We separate but he stays sitting next to me, both his hands holding mine, maybe because I'm actually alive or something. It's not awkward or creepy. Its comfort.

"I don't know where to go from this. Kelsey, you're a kid. You're in the real world and I hate that."

"I'm twenty."

"Most twenty year olds live with their parents or in a dorm and they think they are grown up but they're actually just kids who don't know how to do anything in the real world. Or at least have their parents backing them. You don't and you're in the real world."

"There's noting I can do about it."

"Kelsey, I know you're a legal adult, but if Vanessa and I can basically adopt you, which wouldn't be a legal document, just how we act, can we?" Lin asks.

"Why?" I ask, confused.

"Just, stay here through school. If you get better, go back to Hamilton. If you struggle with it, then you don't have to struggle to pay the rent and it's all okay."

"It's the only chance for your job back." Tommy says. "I'd agree if I were you."

"Okay. Thanks, Lin." He smiles. Tommy squeezes me in a sorta a side hug, I guess it is, and rubs my shoulder.

"I'm glad you're okay."

"Thanks."

"Don't ever do that again! When Lin told me, I though you had swallowed the pills and I was terrified!"

"Seriously?"

"Yes. I have a heart you know." I laugh. "So stop making it skip a beat. Are you okay?" I nod. "Are you pregnant?" He says, half joke, half 'do you think you could be?'

"No."

"How do you know?" I look at Carleigh.

"She can't."

"Oh." He rubs my shoulder again. Then he looks down at my cut legs and his face turns white.

"I'm a very depressing person." I say, standing.

"Don't worry about it. We'll fix it." Lin says. "It starts with food. Let's eat."

"There's literally no other time that I am more depressing then that." He almost laughs but there's sadness behind it.

"We'll change that too."