Happier {S.M.}

eight

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Do you ever wonder why certain things happen in your life? Or do you believe that everything happens for a reason?

I'm not sure whether I do believe that or not. I can say that I do believe we meet certain people in life for a reason, or that certain things may happen so that better things may become of that.

I woke up to the sweet aroma of breakfast which had me confused, I'm in a hotel room. "Hanna? You got breakfast?" I laughed walking over to her at the table.

Since her and I both just took off we didn't really have anywhere to go- and a 12 hour flight together brought us close we decided to room together. "Yeah, I couldn't sleep I'm kinda jet lagged so I just went to the cafe and got us some food." She says and I smile at her.

Hawaii is so beautiful, I seriously never want to leave.

"Thank you," I say digging into the blueberry pancakes. "So, I say we go shopping and hang by the pool all day." I add and she giggles.

"Did you answer Shawn from last night?" She asks and I pout. "No I didn't, I feel bad but I want to get away from him for the next couple days." That reminds me, I should probably text Victoria. She's probably worried cuz I don't know what Brian or Amara have said to her.

***

"This is really great," I said to Hanna as she sighed in relief taking a sip of her drink. "I love it, I love it so much. I'm afraid I'll never leave."

"I've never traveled anywhere but New York City and all throughout Canada." I tell her and her eyes widen. "Get out of here, your lover is Shawn freaking Mendes," she says and I laugh.

"Yeah, before he was 'Shawn freaking Mendes', he left me hurt for a year before apologizing." I tell her and she pouts. "Hey, I told him I was gonna go on tour with him in a couple weeks before this drama happened.., if I still do I'm definitely taking you."

Her eyes light up with excitement and I smile. "Yeah, that's if I ever get away from Tyler," she shrugs and I turn to her. "Speak up for yourself, Hanna. I know I just met you but I know you need to find your voice and tell him to get the hell on with his life. Fill in the god damned silence and change."

"Thank you," she chokes up but smiles. "I'll be here for you through this, your life will be so much better. You can find love anywhere, love comes and goes but you will always know the difference between what's real and fake."

I give some good advice, "psychology major isn't it?" Hanna jokes obviously about all the advice I give her. "The brain is the most powerful but strangest organ ever." I say and she nods her head. "So is love," she takes her drink and clinks it with mine.

"Cheers to our vacation." I say as we both laugh. "I'll be right back, I'm gonna go to the washroom and maybe introduce myself to that man over there," I giggle as she nods up to a boy who looks about our age, eating at the bar all alone.

"Have fun," I smile up at her as she walks away. Finally, I can relax. I set my drink down and lay back in the chair. My beautiful tan awaits me.

"Becca!" A few minutes later I heard a familiar voice and immediately shot up.

How did Shawn find me?

I hope I'm dreaming.

"Why are you always following me everywhere?" I sigh getting up to greet him. His hug brought my heart to race really fast and although I was mad at him, he's my home.

"I know this is really the most cliche thing ever but you never answered me back and Victoria told me everything and I just feel really shitty." He admits and I shrug my shoulders, half smiling as we walked back into the hotel lobby where two people recognized him.

Crazy.

I quickly texted Hanna, we saw her in the elevator with that guy from the pool and she totally freaked out when she saw Shen.

She told us she'd be up to the room soon.

"Shawn, you're on tour. Why are you here?" I open me and my roomie's hotel room with the key and we walk in. "Look, Becca." He looks down at me and I swear I forgot how to breathe.

"I'm sorry-" he motions a hand signal to stop me from interrupting and I take a step back and listen closely to what I'm about to hear.  "I'm sorry for everything.  I'm sorry that I don't know how to cook a proper meal. I'm sorry that I'm messy sometimes. I'm sorry that I fuck things up and I'm sorry that there's rumors and people who drive you insane because of me. I'm sorry that I'm living a life a certain way and you're being dragged in and living it too.  I'm sorry that you're unhappy. But all of this can be fixed. The only thing that could never ever be prevented is death. Everything else is fixable. We could fix us. We could change things around. I don't want you to give up on me because if you did I don't think I'd be able to move on. I know I'll never be able to experience my feelings for you with another human being.  It really fucking hurts me that I can't make you happy. Everything I do and everything I say isn't enough for you and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix this gap between us.  Maybe there's miscommunication. Maybe that's the problem between us; I honestly don't know anymore. I don't fucking know what it is that I do wrong. But whatever it is, I'm sorry.  I'm really fucking sorry. I just don't want to lose you, but if you're unhappy with me and you don't want to try to make it work, I understand. The only thing I want in this world is for you to be happy, even if at the end it means being happy without me. I guess that's because I'm in love with you. You're the only person I'll ever want and need in my life. I could give less than a fuck about anyone else.  It's you. It'll always be you."

His face appears distressed and I wrap my arms around his neck. 

"I love you, Shawn.  I love you so much," my tears bury in his hoodie. 

"Hey guys-" Hanna bursts through the door.  "I think I just ruined a moment," she says and Shawn and I can't help but laugh. 

"Group hug," he says, and Hanna makes a face in disgust. 

"Ew no," she says and heads into the bathroom. 

"At least I tried," he giggles as he whispers in my ear.