Happier {S.M.}

twenty three

Becca's POV

I looked out the front door and then back at the man who's supposed to love me. "Why is it that every damn time you go out, you kiss another woman?!" I choke on my words as I pull at Shawn's shirt. Shawn looks at the ground. "Why do you do this to me?"

"How many times do I have to tell you that I'm sorry?" He looks up at me and runs his hands through his hair and bites his lips.

He's making it really hard to leave. I looked at the picture of us two on the wall, we used to be so happy.

The light was shining in from the drawn shades reminding me of simpler times with him. I can't believe this is my life now.

Betrayal.

"Yeah, how many times are you going to have to apologize?" I scoff clenching my stomach as I walk away. "Okay, what's that supposed to mean?"

"You keep making the same mistakes, Shawn." My voice cracks and he sighs. He knows. "You think I do this on purpose? You think I want to be over here nursing an empty bottle, telling myself you're happier when I'm not around."

"Why would I be happier without you- I told you to stay- you're the one who's pushed me away this time." I yell at him clenching my stomach. "Shit," I mumble turning around from Shawn.

Shawn rushed in front of me and I shifted away from him. "I don't need your help, I need to be leaving!" I yell at him, straight in the face and he raises an eyebrow.

"I don't know why you're so afraid of reality Shawn! What's so bad?! Fame and everything you've ever wanted in life? Does that stress you out?!" I get angrier and angrier and I just feel so weaker. So vulnerable.

"Babe," he trails off looking down at me. "No, Shawn! I'm done! I've had enough." I say taking my bag and walking to the entryway. "Rebecca, please. We can get through this. We always do." Shawn says, he looked concerned now and I let go of his hand and sighed.

"I can't do this anymore, I don't need someone that's going to bring me down constantly when they're scared. I need to take care of myself and what's about to be brought into my life soon." I say referring to the baby. He shakes his head in disbelief.

My heart is breaking and I just can't fight like this anymore. Memories of that night flash in my head, he came home really drunk and was acting crazy. I should have realized. I take my bag and head out the front door.

By now, tears were forming in my eyes and I walk away from the love of my life. My head was pounding and I was just in so much pain, I made it to my car until I realized I didn't have my keys.

I took a breath and walked back to Shawn standing in the front door. "My keys," I say holding my stomach as Shawn grabs them from the rack. "Your phone." He also gives me my phone and I look at him. "I'm sorry," he chokes up and lifts my chin.

As much as I wanted to stay, I couldn't. "Becca," he whispers as he kissed my lips. "I love you, I'm always going to love you. I'm always going to be there. Our baby-"

"I'll see you, Shawn." I say into his neck and walked away.

***

Shawn: Becca please answer me.

Shawn: it's been three days

Shawn: I need to know if you're alright

Shawn: fuck, you know I'm sorry.

Shawn: I love you

Shawn: I know what I do is unforgivable, I need to make sure you're okay.

Shawn: I can't live without you.

I sighed looking at the ceiling. I didn't wanna get up, I was so comfortable. Maybe I should just binge watch The Office on Netflix?

I could study for next semester.

Am I even going back to school in September?

Fuck. I didn't realize that everything is now falling into place. It might not be how I dreamt of it to be, but it's happening and I'm fine.

It's my babygirl and I, together.

Maybe I'll just take a nap...

I turn on my bed and close my eyes. These blankets are really setting the mood here. I couldn't stop thinking of Shawn, how much I miss him and wish he'd come here. How he'd assure me everything's gonna be fine and how great our bodies would feel against each other's as he massages my shoulders and kisses my neck.

Wow. I'm so pregnant.

"Becca?" Shawn's voice scared me and I nearly fell off the bed. "Ha that would've been bad," I laugh to myself as he walks into my childhood room. Yes, I was staying at my mum's because Shawn and I had a falling out.

Again.

"What are you doing here?" My voice was low and I didn't look up at him yet. I don't think I can. "I wanted to see how you're doing. Are you okay?" His voice was shaky and he sits at the edge of my bed.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I look up at him with the rest of my confidence he hasn't destroyed yet. "I see you've gotten your nails painted." He points at them and I looked down at my nails. "Me and Aaliyah went on Thursday, already made my next appointment right before the hospital."

"Why are you going there before the hospital?"

"To get my nails done," I raise my eyebrow in amuse and he looks down. "Duh," I finish and he half smiles.

"Well again, I'm truly sorry I ruined a good night by getting drunk, it's been a couple of days but I think I learned my lesson. I even went to a therapist." Shawn says, he mentioned going to a therapist. Holy shit, he really was fucked up. I grabbed his hand and he looked at me.

"Why did you go?"

"I don't want to ruin your happiness anymore. I want to be there for you and for our baby girl. I mess up a lot- but we're Shawn and Becca." Shawn says moving my hair out of my face to behind my ear.

Hearing Shawn say that he went to a freaking therapist flooded my mind. He felt vulnerable and weak and had to seek for help. I was right here all along.

His touch has me weak, he saw the effect he has on me and kissed my forehead. "Becca, please."

"Shawn and Becca," I repeated and we both laugh. "We used to ride our bikes and go everywhere together as kids."

"Then we got a little older," I say and he looks down at me with those eyes. The ones that only look at me and man, I'm looking right back into. "We became inseparable. It was only us until-"

"Hey! Someone is a little jealous," I laugh as the baby kicks. "Why don't we start everything over, Becca? No more broken promises and no more drama."

"Sounds like a plan." I nod leaning my head into his chest.

I have writers block :/