Happier {S.M.}

thirty one

Shawn's POV

What am I doing here? I can't breathe. I seriously can't even think straight. Let alone see who's in front of me.

I see bodies, dancing on top of each other. People getting lost in the music. My music. "Where am I?" I say to myself.

This inevitable feeling of loneliness is taking over my simple body. My heart was racing and my head was spinning.

I look up at the stars. They're almost as beautiful as Becca's eyes. These days I'm missing her awfully too much.

I'm lost, I'm not myself. I can't get the image of our last kiss out of my head. I just wanted to scream out, you know? Scream to the world how much I miss and love my ex girlfriend.

Was she an ex? She was my best friend for years. All I did was hurt her. I don't know why, everything I did destroyed every last piece of her. And now I'm sitting here alone, in a room with no roof, full of strangers who claim they're more than just a face you see walking down the street.

I see Becca here, why though? Is she lost too? I can guide her home. She is my home, wherever she is I'll be there, following.

She was in that red dress that I loved on her. She's so beautiful, I gave her that necklace. I told her whenever things were off that she'd take this necklace with her to remind her of simpler times. So I placed that necklace around her neck and softly kissed her head and wiped her tears away telling, her I'd always stay.

But I did, I left her and rely on that bottle of vodka hidden under my pile of clothes in my room to forget the pain, to forget her name.

But now it's just too much. I'd forget my own name and drown in the feelings of missing her kiss.

"Becca? I've missed you," I walk up to her, my eyesight was blurry and I was slurring my words.

Why am I so dizzy?

I heard my music playing again, this time it's louder than ever. I couldn't lift the weight of this pain. Of this heartbreak, of Becca.

"Shawn? Don't talk to me." She says and turns around to talk to this other girl. "What do you mean? I love you. Becca, I really do and I want to fix everything."

I tell her and suddenly her eyes darken out of anger. Something is wrong. "You hurt me, you picked fame over me. I'm over it now. You're nothing anymore. In fact, you're dead to me. Leave me alone." She fires back, my face softens and I look up at the sky once again.

Why did I do this? I shut my eyes and breathe out. "I need to leave, Becca. I'm sorry." I tell her and she rolls her eyes. I start running and my feet just take off.

I don't know why I'm running but I am. I don't even know where to. This place was unfamiliar, I wasn't back home. I wasn't anywhere.

"You should have never done this to me," I hear Becca's voice ring in my ears. "You tore right through me, I was nothing but yours and you took advantage. You deserve to be lost forever." She finishes and suddenly everything went black.

I was no longer trying, I'm done. I lost Rebecca. I lost everything. I lost myself.

"Shawn! Wake up! Shawn you're having a nightmare!" Someone is shaking my body. I couldn't see anything, I heard someone screaming but couldn't make out a voice.

"Huh?" I turned and saw Becca, she's screaming my name. "You were having a nightmare, I didn't want to leave you in it. You were mumbling and gosh you're so warm." She throws the covers away from me and I sit up as she kisses my forehead to take my temperature.

"Shit," I mumble before breathing out, relieved that was just a dream, I chuckle and dig my head into Becca's chest.

"Baby," she whispers running her fingers through my hair. She knows exactly how I'm feeling, we simply just understand each other because we've been through so much together.

It just makes sense that we just need to be by each other's sides, forgetting about the past and loving each other in such a pure passion now. It feels so natural as well.

This is our future.

"Thank god you didn't wake up the baby," Becca laughs taking her hands to my face and lifting my chin. "You know, you can talk to me about whatever you're going through, right?" She continues, her hot breath fanning my neck and I cave into her soft touch. "You're my everything, I love you, Becca."

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