A Love Conflicted

38 | Understanding

The first few days that Andy was here seemed to be normal, as normal as possible for Prince I mean. He spent most of his time in the studio with her and I knew better than to interrupt. I made sure to pop in randomly to make my presence known though. Not in an overbearing way, but just enough to get my point across; that I'm still here and I'm not going anywhere.

Luckily he put her up in a hotel down the road and she wasn't staying at PP, but it didn't really matter because they'd be up writing and recording until the sun came up. I'd been used to it at this point with him, but the fact that it was with another woman bothered me. I trust him, but I don't know this girl from Adam and I'll be damned if I let something happen right under my nose.

Days turned into weeks and Andy was still around. We'd talk occasionally in passing but it's not like we were friends. I was never rude to her or disrespectful but I kept my distance. She's here to work so that's what I'll leave her to do. The part that stressed me out the most was that I'd barely seen Prince at all. I'd wake up and he'd still be in the studio. Then I'm in my studio working for the day and he's still...in the studio. Once I'm done working he's either in the editing room or working on new outfits with Ria and then he's back to recording...with Andy. I was relieved whenever he would bring in some NPG members because at least I knew they weren't alone, but I felt like I was living here by myself. The only time we'd get a little bit of alone time was in the wee hours of the night if he happened to crawl into bed for a few hours. Even when I tried to talk to him, I could tell he didn't want to be bothered so I didn't push my luck.

Though there were times where he'd surprise me; he'd stay in bed with me a little longer, or he'd randomly make me breakfast or catch me off guard and make love to me when I least expected​ it. However those moments were rare, and very few and far between. This was my first time handling an upcoming tour and album with him so I just sat back and let him do his thing, but I couldn't help but feel unwanted and not needed. We rarely talk and I feel like I'm in the dark with everything that's been going on. He had Ria working round the clock producing sketch after sketch and sample after sample so I didn't even have her to talk to. All I could do was keep reminding myself that this is who he is and this is what he does. I can't blame him for being focused, but can you blame me for wanting a little attention?

I tried my best to keep busy. I know there have been women in the past who couldn't handle his lifestyle and couldn't deal with what I'm dealing with now. I didn't want to be one of those women, I refused to be. I cared about him and our relationship too much to give up just because it got tough. I wanted to prove to him that I wasn't going anywhere and that I can handle this.

The press had gotten over my "pregnancy" rumor, but I actually prefer that than what I was reading now. Apparently the new rumor was that Prince had me and Andy both "shacking up" at Paisley Park doing God knows what with him behind closed doors. Adding yet another love triangle to his name.

I didn't know if I was just being paranoid or if my feelings were in fact valid, but it was like he grew an obsession with her. She had to be in every recording session, she was a part of every photoshoot...she was his new muse and I was having a hard time dealing with it.

One night I was home alone at Paisley, which seemed to be the new norm. Prince was wrapping up a photoshoot off site so I decided to take the time to relax and try to take my mind off of everything that had been going on. My plan was to watch a movie, take a nice bath and fall asleep curled up with a good book.

So far it was working. I enjoyed my movie and then went straight to the bathroom to draw a bath. I lit a few candles, poured a few drops of oil into the tub and waited until it was just how I like it, piping hot. Once I got in I immediately let out a relaxing sigh. Since I hadn't been spending time with Prince I was working myself to death instead, so it was nice to finally take a moment for myself.