A Love Conflicted

46 | Restoration

I lied on my couch, staring at the ceiling fan swirling above me. The smell of fresh flowers whirled around my entire apartment. Word got out that I was in the hospital, luckily all that was reported was that it was a car accident.

Every company I had ever worked with had sent a bouquet of flowers wishing me well and I was running out of places to put them all. I'd been out of the hospital for a week now and Prince hasn't left my side once. He knew how I struggled the last time and what it pushed me to. That thought put the fear of God in him and he did everything in his power to make sure I was ok. There was a slew of people in and out of my place between my parents, family members, Alex and Ria. I was exhausted and completely tired of slapping a smile on my face trying to convince everyone that I was okay.

"How are you feeling baby?" Prince kneeled down next to me, putting a glass of ice water down on the coffee table for me. He had been a saint ever since he got here, catering to my every need, not allowing me to do a thing. I wasn't used to seeing him in that role, I'm so used to everyone doing things for him or even myself.

"I'm ok" I lied. He of course knew I was lying, but I didn't have the heart to tell him that I still felt like shit. Physically I was healing and felt a little better than the day I left, still pretty sore and banged up. However emotionally I was still coping with the loss, and the immense guilt I had knowing I was the cause.

He gently picked up my legs and joined me on the couch, placing my legs over his. He took one of my legs and gently began to massage it. Taking a deep breath I sighed throwing my arm over my forehead. We sat there in silence for a few moments, I tried to relax as he worked his magic on my legs and ankles. He actually had a knack for massages, but he's always been good with his hands no matter what it was for.

"Thank you for everything Prince. You didn't have to stay" I said quietly, eyes still closed. He didn't respond at first, but I got the hint that he was thinking of what he was going to say next. Neither of us had brought up our last conversation, or the last month of our relationship.

"When Mayte and I lost Amiir...I didn't take it well...I didn't take it well at all" I put my arm down and opened my eyes, focusing on him. I knew that this was not something he talked about often or freely. "I'd never felt that kind of pain before and I didn't know where to place those emotions...I grieved and mourned by immersing myself in my music...but she couldn't do that. I wasn't being sensitive to the fact that our healing processes were different...and I wasn't aware of it at the time, but I completely turned my back on her. I wasn't there for her like I should have been because I was too busy thinking about myself. I wanted to be alone and not speak of it, but in turn I shut her out. I wish I could take that back, but I can't. What I can do is make sure I'm here for you...I don't want to repeat my mistakes." I was getting choked up just hearing his confession, he's not one to bring up the past a lot. Especially a topic as sensitive as this. My heart ached for him and the loss of yet another child in his lifetime. Sure I've felt it too, but in theory I still have a lot of time...I can't imagine what this feels like for him.

"Prince I'm so-"

"Riley, don't" I had apologized to him more times than I could count. I couldn't help but think about my ex, and how quickly he left after we lost Iris "For my sake, and for yours. Stop blaming yourself. If anything, I was too caught up in trying to prove a point that I drove you to it" Sitting up I scooted closer to him. Placing one hand on my stomach, he gently rubbed, both of us wishing our little one was still there. "You need to promise me that you'll stop apologizing. I didn't think I had to say it out loud, but if it helps I will...I'm not going anywhere Riley"

"...What about Andy?" I hadn't brought her up yet but for my sanity I had to. I'm sure he'd been in contact with her since he'd been here and I needed to know where they stood. We never did get to have that conversation and yes I'm to blame for that.