A Love Conflicted

40 | Netflix & Chill

It was over. Just like that. Without a fight, with very little words said...he just let me go. I was having a hard time wrapping my brain around what was happening. It hadn't sunk in and I was still living as if I was going to fly back to Paisley in just a day's time. But of course, I didn't.

I'll never forget that flight home. I cried the entire way back, and every day after that. Blake was getting frustrated because I was barely working but I couldn't find it in me to do it. I was avoiding my friends and family because I didn't want to explain why I was home and hadn't gone back to Minnesota. The only person I'd see was Alex, but I could tell that being around her in the state that I'm in wasn't the best idea. She's weeks away from giving birth and is the happiest she's ever been, and I'm trying to get over the love of my life. I wasn't the positive, upbeat friend that she expected to have around.

More than anything I was confused. While neither of us officially "ended" it, it was obvious that he didn't expect to continue with our relationship. I was left with so many questions that I feared I'd never get the answer to. My heart ached for him every day. I yearned for his voice, his touch, his smell, his presence...I missed everything about him.

When they landed overseas Ria called me immediately when she got to her room. She couldn't believe what had happened and I was just numb at that point. She was pissed, I could hear it in her voice. I told her I didn't want to know a thing, for my own sanity. Nothing about what he's doing, and especially nothing to do with him and Andy. From what she told me, she was being pretty pissy with him but I told her she needed to cut it out if she wanted to keep her job. I appreciated it, but it wasn't going to change the situation.

"Do you want me to talk to him? I'll cuss his ass out right here-"

"Ria, STOP! I appreciate you, you know I do but this isn't your battle to fight. Just do your job and try to leave me out of it"

That's basically how our conversations went for the first week or so. We couldn't talk much anyway due to the time difference, and all of our conversations seemed to end up on him so I had to limit those calls. It was hard on me knowing she was so close to him and I would probably never see him again, at least that's what it seemed like.

One Saturday night I was curled up on my bed, binge watching shows on Netflix and mindlessly munching on a bag of trail mix. I hadn't gone grocery shopping and it was the only thing left I had in the house. My phone started to ring and I was surprised at whose face I saw appear on the screen.

"Sam?" I answered, wondering why he was calling. We hadn't casually spoken since that conversation we had a while back.

"Ah I missed that beautiful voice" I chuckled a little to myself. It was actually really nice to hear his voice too. I hadn't talked to him since well before Prince and I had...separated I guess you could say. I'm not dumb, I'm sure Ria told him everything that had happened. I just hoped that he would be sensitive to the fact that this is not the time to try to swoop in and win me over.

"What's up? Did you need something?"

"Guess where I am"

"Umm...home?"

"I guess you could say that, it's been a while since I've been back" I sat there for a second trying to figure out what he meant and then it dawned on me. Sam and Ria's family are originally from here in Los Angeles, but the two of them have been living in Minnesota for years.

"Are you..are you in LA?"

"Got in a few days ago. What are you doing right now?" I was stunned that he was in town. I looked down at the mess of crumbs around me and was embarrassed at the sight.

"Um, just watching TV really"

"Are you hungry?" My stomach growled on cue and I laughed.

"You could say that"

"Perfect. What do you want, I'll pick up anything you like and I'll bring it over"

It was a nice gesture but I wasn't exactly ready for company. I didn't feel like socializing, let alone with someone like Sam since we've had such a rocky friendship.

"Sam, that's really sweet but-"

"Before you turn me down, I'm not trying to come over for any other reason than to enjoy a meal and catch up. I heard about everything so I just want to keep you company for a few hours, can I do that for you?" I smiled a little to myself. It was the first time I'd smiled in weeks, and to be honest I didn't want to pass up a free meal.

"...I'll text you my address" I said.

Within about 45 minutes there was a knock on my door. Once I opened it I was greeted by his smile and the smell of my favorite tacos hitting my nose. I could almost taste the carne asada already.

"Out of every restaurant in all of Los Angeles, you ask me to go to the Taco truck down the street" He walked inside and set the food on my kitchen island as I shut the door.

"Taco trucks are life ok? You know we have the best Mexican food next to Mexico itself" We both laughed and he quickly brought me in for a hug. I held onto him a lot tighter and a lot longer than I had anticipated. He kissed my forehead before letting go and he squeezed my arm.

"I missed you, you know that?" He flicked my chin before opening the bag that carried our gourmet meal for the night.

"I missed you too" It was true. I've always enjoyed our time together, and he was the only other guy who could make me laugh almost as hard as Prince could. "So what brings you to LA? Family?" I asked as I gathered plates and utensils for us.

"Yea, Mom and Dad's anniversary was yesterday. You know Middle Easterns, we gotta do it big for everything. Couldn't miss that party"

"Aw, I'm sure Ria's bummed that she couldn't make it"

"Yea she was pretty upset but, duty calls" I rolled my eyes at the thought. "How are you?" he asked. It was a simple question that usually has a simple answer, but mine wasn't so simple. I swallowed hard, not wanting to really get into it but didn't have it in me to lie either. "I'm sorry Ri, I really am. I know we all haven't been on the best of terms...him and I especially, but I know how much you love him. So to see you so distraught over this...that upsets me. The last thing I want is to see you hurting like this"

"It's fine" I just shrugged, wanting to avoid the conversation. "Let's eat shall we?" I said as I helped him carry everything to the living room.

To my surprise, I'd had the best night I'd had in a very long time. We legit had a Netflix and chill marathon...but we literally just chilled. I let him choose what to watch and he chose a few comedies to get my spirits up. It worked for the time being. We watched a few stand ups and my stomach hurt from laughing so hard, mixed with it being completely stuffed full of tacos. For the first time in weeks I was able to take my mind off of Prince completely for a few hours. It was the first time I hadn't cried, I wasn't sulking, and that depressed feeling I'd been plagued with dissipated for a short while. Most importantly I wasn't thinking about what Prince was doing or who he was doing it with.

Hours later I suddenly stirred awake and realized I was on my bed. I opened my eyes and looked up to see Sam standing over me, pulling a blanket over my shoulders. I didn't even know I fell asleep, but by the fatigue that consumed me, I knew I wasn't going to be awake much longer.

"Goodnight Riley" he whispered before kissing the top of my head.

Before he walked away completely I grabbed his hand and he stopped in his tracks.

"Thank you" I said softly, trying to squeeze his hand but failing because I didn't have any energy left. I heard light footsteps trail throughout my apartment before hearing the door shut. It was the first full night's sleep I'd had since I left Chanhassen.