In Love With Mr Suicidal

Chapter 25

"Shh, baby don't cry" I murmur as I rock Matthew back and forth.

This little boy is part of my family and I've been baby sitting him for a month now, it's nearing the end of high school for me. Axel has started to pay me for babysitting, I told him he didn't have to but I also had told him how I felt guilty that I always used James' money and that I didn't have any of my own so he said I should look at it like a job. I would get my own money so I wouldn't feel guilty about using James' and so that when christmas comes I have money to spend on James and everyone else rather then being penniless and getting money off james to buy people gifts and getting money off other people to get a gift for James.

"Is he still not settling down?" James asks as he wraps his muscular arms around my torso.

"No, poor thing must be homesick" I murmur.

Tonight Matthew is staying the night and would be picked up in the morning. I can't believe how much he has grown though, he's ten months old going on eleven months. He knows some words like 'Dad' 'mum' 'papa' 'nan' 'bee' 'wee' 'poo' etc. The basic and easy things.

"Honey tell me what's wrong" I whisper as I rock him.

"C-Can I try?" James asks nervously.

James is still very nervous around kids, he's not use to them. He loves kids I know that, but he's just not use to them. I hand Matthew over to James, after some time James relaxes and Matthew stops crying. With pride shining in his eyes James grins at me. Giggling softly I kiss his cheek.

"You'll make a wonderful father when the time comes" I compliment.

"Well, lets hope so. I don't want any of our children hating me" His voice laced with worry. I couldn't help but blush at the thought of children with James, I mean we're already engaged but it seems so weird thinking about having children with him, don't get me wrong, it's not a bad weird in fact its the best sort of weird.

"Oh look, he's asleep. Ann-Ray how do I put him down without waking him?" James asks slightly panicked.

James had bought a crib for Matthew since Matthew is over so often. I placed down the bars firstly then look back at James who's nervously biting his lip.

"Hold his head to your shoulder gently and lean down so that your hand touches the mattress of the cot, once it does you slowly move your shoulder away then your hands" I instruct. I watch as he does it nervously, but nonetheless successfully. I grab the blanket and place it onto the small guy. Kissing his forehead before pulling the bar back up.

"You did amazingly" Smiling at James' blush from my compliment I kiss his cheek, taking hold of his hand I lead him to our room.

"When do you want to start a family?" James' arms creep around me as we lay on our bed together. I scrunch my eyebrows together in thought.

"I don't know truthfully, when it happens it happens" My answer seemed to please him a lot.

"How about you?" I ponder.

"I'd like to have at least three kids before the age of thirty" His cheeks redden as he says this. Smiling softly I kiss his cheek.

"Nothing's stopping you from achieving that goal" My voice soft as I kiss his nose and blush.

"I know, but you're so young Ann-Ray. Are you sure you're able to take that on? Three children? By the time I'm thirty you'll only be twenty-five" he point out.

"That's plenty of time James. You know I want a big family anyway, I can handle it" my blush reddening. Chuckling he kisses my burning cheeks.

"I think the best thing to you it to wait until you're at least twenty" His eyes soft as he stares at me.