Kismet (Namjin Mpreg)

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Seven:

Namjoon's POV:

Her cries never end. Her cries bore through my skin, leaving it scarred and scared. My hands couldn't be gripped enough, her delicate and gentle hands were not enough to support the hard, cold confession that came out of my lips.

My tears were a pool of my own salty water that couldn't been stopped no matter how hard I try to stop the handle from leaking.

I lost a father. She lost a son. We both lost him. I couldn't let my tears fall down in front of my family but with Nana, I just couldn't handle being strong.

His death made me weak. Made me rethink my ability to keep his company and his legacy in shape. His will hasn't been heard but I just feel like his responsibilities can be dropped on my shoulders and I don't think I can handle them. I don't think I can take those responsibilities like a man. I'm too weak.

My knees are hurting, which are less of a pain than what my heart is actually facing. I try to focus on the pain of my knees instead. I have been kneeling down for about ten minutes. Nana's hand is hard, gripping on both my hands as she cries, talks to god with crazy talk.

I think she's yelling at god for taking him from us which is absurd because her yelling is not going to bring him back. She doesn't want to face the reality just yet.

Dad isn't coming back. My teacher, my idol, my boss, isn't coming back. I'm suddenly lost. Ye-Jun is back in Germany, the love of my life left me four years ago, and what I thought I was getting a chance back is no longer a chance.

No matter how much I regret hating father for a long time, it wasn't enough to get him back. Karma hit me. Karma slapped me. Karma gave me the 'I told you so' saying and shove it right into my heart, engrave it so I don't ever forget it.

I never really got him back. Our relationship was beyond repair and even if our relationship went back to a slight solid father and son relationship, it was never the same. Our relationship become to be when I started to date Ye-Jun. I know he never liked my sexuality, he rather detested but he hated low status even more.

The only reason he hated Seokjin other than that he was also gay, was that he was a maid and employee working on his retail store. He was in the lowest bar of the social ladder and he hated that. And compared to him, Ye-Jun was the most loved model in Korea. He was gorgeous, stunning, and very rich. He was the love of the paparazzi and was in almost every magazine in Korea.

Our love was money in his eye. And to me, at that time, did not matter. I was more than glad to have him as my boyfriend. Ye-Jun made me forget. For along time made me feel safe, and modestly, happy. Father being okay with our relationship was more than I can ever asked.

I don't care if money was the starting point of our father and son mending broken relationship because I was at least getting my father back. The one where I could have civilized conversation and where I can look in the eye and not see hatred.

But Karma, man. Karma is a bitch. His death I now have to pay. I couldn't have him back after hating him so long and expect everything to be okay. It doesn't work that way. And now I am making everyone else pay as well.

My punishment is everyone's punishment as well. I can't even stand my own self. It's my own fault. My fucking fault.

I don't deserve to see Nana suffering. To see what my hatred caused is more than I can bare.

"Nana, I have to go." I choke out on a sob, my cries heavy. Nana doesn't hear me. She is still wailing, her hand hitting her heart. I slowly remove my hand from her and get up, my hand going to grasp the edge of her bed for support.