Kismet (Namjin Mpreg)

Chapter Fifty

Chapter Fifty

(Kismet)

Early morning, while everyone was silent and asleep, Namjoon arose from the couch, picked up his things and said goodbye to Seokjin.

Seokjin had been woken up by the light kiss that Namjoon gave him on the nose. He had questioned him why he was leaving early and that he should stay for the wedding.

Namjoon had responded with a silent no. He wasn't invited to the wedding and it would of been awkward for him to be with him when he had no association with any of Seokjin's family members, not Sofia, and most definitely not with Amelia.

"Are you going to break up with Ye-Jun?" Seokjin was half asleep, his hands on Namjoon's cheek.

"I think that's for the best," Namjoon answered, a pang on his chest he hadn't been able to get rid of not even after his talk with Seokjin.

The few hours that he has been on the driveway of his house, has not serve as any use of thinking or rationalizing what he's going to do. The few hours between confronting Ye-Jun and meeting up with Seokjin have felt like years have drastically passed, when in fact it's been hours. Heavy, dreadful hours, dragging him from one day to another.

His body is stuck in its slouch position, his eyes glued to the window of their room. The drapes close and no light on. Early hours were creeping, gently awakening some, while others still enjoyed the silent, glee hours of not being awakening by the cruel world.

A small cry rattles him. His sobs jolt him fully alert. His heart was pounding with heartache. Guilt. Shame. Sadness.

What Ye-Jun did to him hurts so bad. He never expected that Ye-Jun would be keeping something like this from him. He didn't expect at all that he was behind Minseu helping her scheme a lawsuit against Hoseok. How can he forgive him after what he did? Hoseok is his best friend, hurting Hoseok would be like hurting him.

And, although he's immensely hurt and disappointed, there's a part of him that still wants to be with Ye-Jun. It could be because they have been together for years now, and being without him he would feel lost. And it could also be that Ye-Jun is his protection, and letting him go would be like letting go of that protection that saved him from his negative emotions after his departure from Seokjin. During his hardest moments, mentally, Ye-Jun had been there. Not as a boyfriend, but as a friend. And loosing him in any sense would be like loosing a part of himself.

But that didn't mean that something inside of him changed; he saw Ye-Jun differently now. He was unworthy of his trust.

A part of him is angry. Angry that he doesn't trust his boyfriend anymore. The other part is angry at the other part for even thinking of such thing. He should be furious. He's allowed to not trust Ye-Jun at he moment. Or never.

Namjoon is so confused. He could no longer look at their window. His soul is aching for the touch of Ye-Jun, his conformity, but his heart wants run back to Seokjin instead.

He's so selfish to think that he can have both his ex and his current boyfriend's love. That's not fair for either of them. He loves them both, different reasons he can't seem to differentiate between the each. Is Seokjin the love of his life or just someone he loved for the first time? Is Ye-Jun the love of his life or someone who is a part of him; a part of him that attached to him so he could no longer focus on the pain.

Without a doubt, Ye-Jun will always be part of him, his best friend. And deep down inside Seokjin had been the love of his life, someone he gave his life to.

The beach house had been his escape for just a couple of hours. In his mind, going to Seokjin had been a good idea, and being one with Seokjin had been freaking amazing. He doesn't regret doing that at all. But he's an asshole for doing it while he's technically still with Ye-Jun.