Kismet (Namjin Mpreg)

Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

(Kismet)

Seokjin's POV:

The night that my mother had left me to cry in her room was the day that I dreaded the most. Tears weren't enough to make me feel better. They were there to remind me that I didn't have the love of a mother. Probably I never did and I had always thought that I had her love.

The silent tears that were only coherent for me to hear were the symbol of my despairity. I had lost everything yet I had gained everything.

In the midst of my agony, I had found Joy. I was so distress over Taehyung's depression, the lack of interaction with Jungkook that I yet had to fix, and my mother's self separation from us, had made me so stressed out. I needed a distraction from my every day worrying.

Namjoon was my total distraction. He made me feel alive. His lips, his looks made feel wanted. Every day I feel myself get attach to him. There is always something that makes me like him even more.

If I didn't had my mother's love maybe I could have his love. Maybe I would be complete. Only his love and the love of my brothers is all I'll ever need.

Yet. My happiness has always been knocked down by another reason. Namjoon brought me out of my somber but brought me right back in.

I didn't know that his love would be an addiction, poison. Like they say, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. If the tree is poisoned, the apples who fall aren't any better, even if one them escapes farther away.

My life is a poisoned tree and all that touches it, becomes poisonous. Namjoon is no exception.

It started with my father dying, leaving me to be the man of the house. Then Jungkook rebels, Taehyung becomes sad, and my mother is distant. She no longer cares from what I see. She doesn't see that her sons need her love and affection. I can't fully give them that, only she can. They need a mother more than they need a brother.

For once I thought that Namjoon was my exception. And even though I am glad that I have met him, I'm so disappointed that I couldn't control my hunger for him.

I needed his body for reassurance. That he did want me even if it was through sex. His likeness for me was beyond that and I was grateful. But I don't think that he would be grateful for me, not when I have my doubts.

Doubts. I wished they were 100% doubts but I know that deep inside I know what my poisonous apple tree gave to me.

I'm too afraid to admit it. Admit that I knew the consequences but I still went and listen to my heart and not my mind. The mind is practical, it knew that what I was doing was wrong but I preferred my heart over it.

The ability to have kids is my poisonous apple. It ruined everything for me. For once in my life everything was looking up even if I still had things to work on. Now I have more in my plate than I did before.

I have yet go to to the doctor but I know deep inside of me that the day I passed out on Crystal Waters wasn't just because of stress. It was because I'm pregnant.

Knowing that I could get pregnant, I still went and had sex with Namjoon. It makes me angry to believe that I was stupid enough to do something like that. His life has made an expected turn. A turn that I'm so guilty of making.

My back was hurting me more than ever. I was sleep deprived; nights were made for me to think. Think and think. My mind was too occupied to even sleep. Even if I did, a few hours would only work on me.

Today I was getting out early from regular work and the over night shift that I would only do on Fridays and Wednesdays. School was over for Jungkook and Taehyung so I wanted to pick them up myself. It had been forever that I had spend time with them outside of the house.