Kismet (Namjin Mpreg)

Chapter Sixty-Two

Chapter Sixty-Two:

(Kismet)

Seokjin thought he was ready to see his mother, but standing outside of the room he realizes he isn't. Not at all. His hands were strongly gripping the arms of the wheelchair, holding his tears back from spilling into his face.

Jungkook was behind him, the one controlling the wheelchair for him. Seokjin can hear his breath really close to his ear. He can tell Jungkook is holding back his tears as well. He doesn't think they can be strong enough to see their mother. Perhaps Jungkook can. He's seen her multiple times before. But Seokjin hasn't seen her since the day of his abduction where he was holding her bleeding body, their last conversation before she passed out before him.

"I don't think I can see her. What if she doesn't want to see me," Seokjin questions, his body ready to leave this wing and return back to his hospital bed, a place where he feels safe and well adjusted.

"Mother has been asking about you. She mostly sleeps, and when she's awake, she's in a haze, sometimes speaking as if she's in an old conversation with someone," Jungkook explains, opening the door wide and then pushing him inside, the room dim and his ears immediately fill with a galore of noises.

"She's asleep right now, but the nurse said she'll wake up soon. She's sedated so she doesn't feel all the pain her body is feeling."

"How long? Staying for long is going to give me the creeps. I don't have a good feeling of this." Seokjin eyes the room, noticing that it looks completely different than his room. His room could be mistaken for an ordinary room. Sometimes he doesn't feel as if he's in a hospital now that he can wear his own clothes. He only at time feels as if he's being lazy and spending time in bed, wearing all the pajamas he hadn't worn before.

"Not for long. Trust me on this, Seokjin.  Some days I come here to have some piece of mind. It's really quiet in here and by looking at mother I can begin to mend my hatred for her. I just hate that it had to come down to this in order for me to realize how putrid my hatred was," Jungkook sighs, plopping down to a chair besides the bed. The chair was covered in a baby blue blanket and a white soft pillow.

"Do you really forgive her?" Jungkook sounds weird. Is he forgiving her because she can die soon? Or because her hospitalization brings sympathy out of him? Seokjin doesn't want her death to be the only thing that can change the way he thinks of her  of her, either positively or negatively. She did what she did, and regardless if he does end up forgiving his mother, it would definitely not be because she can possibly die.

Seokjin loves his mother because underneath her filthy lies and abusive ways, he could still find that piece -even the tiniest- of love and still allow himself to care for her, but that didn't mean he forgave her. Her death would crush him, but not kill him. There's a difference.

The door was still left ajar so Seokjin can hear the passing of several doctors walking beside each other discussing medical jargon Seokjin doesn't understand. As he hears the footsteps, Jungkook falls silent, his gaze fixed somewhere else, his hands on his hips. His eyes bore guilt.

"For myself. I forgive her for myself. I need to forgive her so that I can have peace within my heart. She's my mother, and I don't want her to go if there's nothing that we have fixed as a family. I feel like she repents for what she did, you know," Jungkook's voice cracks, burying his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking.

"I felt that too when she barge in and took a bullet for me. She kept apologizing and told me to love my children more than she ever did. I miss her, Jungkook," Seokjin agree, his throat already tightening and preparing him to erupt into cascades of tears, mourning the lost of their mother- the version of their mother from their childhood.