Loving You Is Easy- a.m

(49) Choose Me

They had already taken Jai into surgery it had been two hours, Dr. Hernandez said it could take up to 5 and that really worries me. I felt useless sitting here with my mom and Jai's mother, they seemed so calm which just made me more nervous. I don't get how Dania (Jai's mom) was so calm, instead of me telling her everything was going to be okay, she was the one comforting me.
"I can't take this anymore I'll be back", i said to them before speeding out the hospital building. I stepped outside and began to look for my car before remembering I had left it on a street. I called Alex to see if he could pick me up , but no answer.
I gave up and started to walk towards my house which wasn't so far, as I went on my mind was overwhelmed with all these negative thoughts. I couldn't help but think, what if Jai didn't make it?
What if i never get the chance to tell him the way I feel? What if-what am I doing standing in Austins driveway?!
I didn't move I simply stood there, Austins car was parked outside so he was home. I felt this urge of wanting to ring the doorbell but something was holding me back..probably guilt. It's been a while since he's spoken to me, I think it was when he stayed over and basically ran out my house and never told me why. To be honest I haven't made an effort to talk to him, It kind of felt nice to be apart from him it was less drama but deep down a part of me missed him.
I finally came back to my senses and began to walk away when I heard the door open, "Camila?", I recognized that deep voice he had when he had just woken up.
"Um hey Austin, sorry I don't know what I'm doing here I was just leaving.", I chuckled nervously.
"No it's okay, come on in.", he smiled. "Are you okay? You look pale and like you've been crying."
"Id love to but I can't, I have to get back to the hospital."
"Who's in the hospital?", he asked worryingly.
"Um Jai, he's not doing so good."
"What's wrong with him?", he asked seeming to be concerned which I didn't really buy.
"He has a blood clot in his brain, he had a seizure and his heart stopped for a while, and they actually just took him into surgery a few hours ago and I couldn't stand being there sitting down hoping for the best because What If it goes bad and he dies. He basically already died when he had the seizure, so I came here and I don't know why. So yeah I'm sorry I'm gonna go now.", I blabbered on and on wanting to cry.
"Come here", he said as he opened his arms up for me. I walked over and embraced him, and in that moment I felt like everything would actually be okay.
"I'm sorry Austin, I don't know what's wrong with me."
"You love him.", he said.
"I-no-I just..he's always been there for me and my family. I can't lose him he's just been an important-"
"Camz it's okay, you don't have to make excuses, I understand if you do. And honestly I wouldn't blame you, he's a great guy and you deserve someone like him..someone who would never hurt you the way I did." , he sighed as he ran his fingers through my hair.
We stayed like that for a couple of minutes before I snapped out of it and actually processed what he just told me. "I should go. Thanks for everything, bye Mahone.", I lightly smiled.
I looked up at him and stared into his hazel eyes which right know seemed to look greenish. I noticed they were glossy and building up with tears, he was trying to hold them back I could tell. "I'll take you so you won't have to walk, it's gonna get dark soon.", he said as he sniffled and took out his keys. He walked over to the passengers side and opened the door for me which he always did. "Thanks.", I smiled as I got in.

We drive in silence the whole way and when we pulled up to the hospital entrance, he simply stared at me. "I'm so sorry for everything Mila, I never meant to hurt you. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I fucked up, I'll always be here waiting for you."
"Austin don-" "I'm serious, I love you and I know that you love me too even if you don't want to you do. You can try and hide it and you can love Jai but you'll never love him the way you love me and you know it. We're meant to be." , he said as he grabbed my hand. "Please give me another chance, choose me Jai will never love you the way I do."
I didn't know what to think, I was completely overwhelmed. He decides to tell me all this now? When Jai is in an operating room fighting for his life!? What a jerk, it isn't fair , he can't put this on me, not now.
"Stop. I-I don't know what I want Austin and deciding between you and Jai is the last thing I have on my mind right now. This isn't fair, I can't believe how selfish you are. Jai's in there fighting to live and you're here fighting for me? Really?! I'm not choosing, I have to go see how he's doing.", I yelled at him angrily. I just couldn't believe him.

"You just chose without even saying.", he sighed.
"I-thanks for the ride Austin.", I shut the car door and walked away and into the hospital doors.
He was wrong I didn't chose who I wanted to be with romantically, I chose who was more important right now, who needed me the most and that was obviously Jai..or so I thought.