Virgin // Shawn Mendes [Wattys 2018]

CHAPTER 32

Lexi's p.o.v

When Shawn left, I went back up to my room and slept the entire day away. One positive thing about being pregnant, I'm always tired. Now here I am, been on my phone for an hour and I need water!

I get up from my bed and walk down the stairs to make myself a glass of water. Wow, I never realized how long the stairwell is.

I get to the kitchen, grab a glass from cabinet, and  pour some water. I go to the table and sit down with my glass. As I'm drinking the water, I hear the elevator door open and footsteps. I get up from my seat and walk to the living room.

His eyes meet with mine. It's Shawn. I'm sort of relieved to see him, like I'm grateful it wasn't a murderer! He walks towards me. I know we used to be close, but now it feels like there's this wall between us.

"Sha-" I choke out. I realized I have to tell him everything and potentially ruin his future.

"Don't cry. I'm just here to talk. My plane leaves in the morning, so I thought I should come over now and speak."

"Fine but we can't talk here" I grab his arm and lead him upstairs to my room. When we get to my room, I let go of his arm, he walks over and sits on the edge of my bed, and I close my door so if Vale is up, she wouldn't hear us.

I stand in front of him as he looks up at me.

**Play the song now**

"I'm not ready to speak honestly" I say. He immediately stands up and walks over to me.

"Lexi you had all day." I look down. There is never a right time to tell him the news.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry from everything I've put you through" I look up at him.

"Yeah. You see Shawn, I've tried to convince myself for the past month that I don't love you. I hate you." I say in tears. His face just drops. He's about to speak when I cut him off.

"I hate you because I still love you. I hate myself everyday because I still love you. You said you loved me. You said that you would never leave me. But you did. Your definition of love must be far different from mine if that's what you do when you love someone." His face says how he is feeling, and he looks angry.

"Oh really. I know what love is. If you're looking for the word that means caring about someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want no matter how much it destroys you, it's love. And when you love someone, you don't stop ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy, even then, especially then. You just don't give up because if I could give up, If I could just take the whole worlds advice and move on and find someone else, that wouldn't be love. That would be some other disposable thing that is not worth fighting for. But that, that is not what this is." He's basically yelling at this point. Tears are streaming down his face and mine.

"You didn't fight. We could've made it work. But you didn't want to. That means that I loved you way more than you loved me."

"Oh don't say that, you know how much I loved you. Hell I even showed it!"

"Exactly. You hurt me! You left marks on me so I wouldn't forget you. You told me things that gave me hope that there would always be an us. Every night when I'm trying to go to sleep, I tell myself that I'm strong because I've gone one more day without you, but if I'm strong, then why does it hurt so bad? My stomach hurts, my eyes burn, my heart aches every time I think of you." I yell. Tears are flooding my eyes and his too.

"I'm so sorry for hurting you! That was never my intention." He yells back

"Well you did." I whisper. I fall to the ground from crying. Shawn walks over to me and hugs me.

I cry in his chest. Everything is so familiar but it still hurts knowing that this won't last. That I won't be in his arms forever.

"I wish you were mine again" he whispers thinking I can't hear him.

I continue crying and he does too. We hug each other and don't stop. It's horrible how I miss him. I miss his touch. I his his lips against mine. He was mine.

We stop crying and wipe each other's tears away.

We lock eyes. This time, we just stare at each other. We don't speak. We just look into each other's eyes like we are reading each other through them.

His eyes look at my lips then back to my eyes. He leans in.

His soft lips meet with mine. I missed them, but I don't kiss back. He pulls away. He grabs my hands and stands up. He pulls me up. He engulfs me in another hug.

"I need to go" he says. We pull away. And look at each other.

I walk him out. We say bye at the elevator.

I go back to my room. Close the door, and go back to bed. I didn't tell him, but I have a plan.