Yours (Louis Tomlinson)

52

Phoebe's POV
These girls are hilarious, all of them, really, and I'm having a blast here. I'm not sure how Louis's mum likes me, but she seems really sweet so far. I'm just hoping I don't say anything stupid. I can usually just keep moving forward without thinking, but I find myself sort of analyzing whatever I do. I don't like that.

Louis is being adorable as usual. He came to the table to sit with us, and was a bit embarrassed when he discovered I was telling stories. More specifically, funny stories about him. Now, I'm not making fun of him at all. The girls all asked me for stories, so I delivered. I also got some tales in return. Like there was the fact that Louis had been in Grease when he was a kid, and not only had he been in it, but he was Danny! I mean that shows that he's a keeper right there. A funnier story was that one time he went running up the steps one if his first times back home after the Xfactor, and he landed right on his face. Lottie was cracking up telling the story, and I could barely tell what she was saying. Louis didn't seem thrilled to know we were discussing him, but he hopped right in and told a story about me, so we're even.

A few minutes later Louis's mom is placing all the food on the table. It all smells great. She sits down at the other end of the table and everyone begins picking out food. Not only does it smell good, but it tastes wonderful. I'm in heaven at the moment. Louis's mom doesn't talk much. She just says she's happy he's home and keeps eating. He looks happy to be here. I do wish I wasn't squished between all of his sisters, however, I can't complain that they seem to like me. They're a really sweet bunch of people.

"When are you leaving?" His mum asks after everyone finishes eating.

"Oh, well, Sunday evening I think. I don't think Phoebe has Monday off of work." Louis answers, making me sound like a bit of a workaholic.

"That's alright. It is nice to see you, even just for a little while." She says.

"Next time I'll be sure to take a few days off so we can spend a bit more time. I don't know how I'm going to part with this food!" I say excitedly.

"Where do you work?" She asks.

"I've worked at a book shop for the past few years." I answer.

"She's pretty much a co-owner of the place. She runs it herself a lot of the time." Louis cuts in and I blush.

"That's sweet. Well, I could give you a few of my recipes if you'd like?" She offers.

"I'm not the best cook, really. I usually order take out food or go out to eat. My usual best is a frozen dinner." I answer her. Her smile falters a bit, but she tries to keep it.

"Oh well I'm sure you could learn. I'll give you something easy to start with and whenever you visit, I can give you a new one. I assume she'll be around for awhile, Louis?" She asks. I pause and wait for his answer.

"Of course!" He says happily. He smiles at me, taking my hand under the table. I feel a bit nauseous and I have an idea as to why.

"Well that's great. Listen, Phoebe, I wanted to have a minute with Louis, so maybe you could go find the girls?" His mum asks and I nod.

"Yeah that's fine! I actually want to shower if you don't mind. I saw the bathroom on the way downstairs and it was calling me." I tell her. I needed to get out of the room. Something seemed to be choking me. I was in the process of figuring out what.

"Sounds good dear. We'll see you in a bit." She says. I scurry up the stairs so I can trap myself in the bathroom and think. I gather clothes and race in, locking the door behind me. What the hell is wrong with me. I turn the shower on behind me, closing the blinds of the window. I still felt slightly trapped. Maybe I should open the window instead? I do so and the air blows in, including a few bits of snow for the frame. I still don't feel better and I'm starting to believe it's not something physically wrong with me, it's someone.

Could it be what Louis said? His mum asked if I was going to be around for awhile and he was so quick to answer. The question had stalled in my mind while he just blurted out the answer. I do love Louis, I do, but how long would this last? He's already my longest relationship. I've never made it past a month or two with those other guys. Louis and I had been together for around three months now and I wasn't sure how I felt about that. Actually, I know how I feel about this. I feel very nervous. I mean I didn't even know we would make it this far. I've never stopped to think once about how we would end up. I've been blindsided yet again, but at least this time I'm aware of the situation. I do not see Louis leaving me, and I don't mean that in an egotistical way. I mean it as in I'm confident he cares about me. I can't just give him up, I love him. Yet, in a way, I am. He's leaving for months and who knows when I'll see him again? He may come back, but when? I'll be back to normal before Louis time and he'll be back to before Phoebe time. I mean sure there's phone calls and such, but that's not the same as being in his arms. That's not the same as getting a kiss every morning, or running the shop together, or sleeping in bed with each other, or running out together, or sharing a cup of coffee, or any of those beautiful moments that I don't want to be without. I know I'm selfish for wanting to keep Louis with me, but I'm just realizing what this tour means and I don't know what to do. I'm standing outside the shower crying for Christ's sake. I'm shaking like a little puppy. I'm losing my mind in his mum's bathroom!

I look up and see how red my eyes and cheeks are. This needs to stop right now. I strip off my pajamas and jump into the shower, which ended up being on cold instead of hot. I wash my entire body and my hair, trying to distract myself from my thoughts, but it's not working. And somehow, I'm no longer angry with myself, but I'm angry with Louis. He's the one leaving. He's the one frolicking away in a few months, not me. If he doesn't care about leaving me behind, then why should I?