No Promises ~S.M~

30~Drowning

(WATCHH THE VIDEOOOO)

~Drowning~

*Kaylia's POV*

I wake up to a call. "Hello?" I groan and rub my eyes. "You know when you're drowing, you don't actually inhale until right before you black out. It's called volentary apnea. It's like no matter how much you're freaking out, the instinct to not let any water in is so strong, that you won't open your mouth until you feel like your head is exploding and you finally let it in and that's when it stops hurting. It's not scary anymore. It's... It's actually kind of peaceful." Shawn explains.

"Wait, whats wrong?" I ask. "I'm fine. Yeah aside from the not sleeping, the jumpiness, the constant overwhelming crushing fear that something terrible is about to happen." He sobs.

"It's called hypervigilance. The... Persistent feeling of being under threat." I state. "It's not just the feeling though it's... It's like it's a panic attack. You know, like I can't even breathe." His voice breaks.

"Like you're drowning?" I ask. "Yeah." He replies. "So.. If you're drowning... And you're trying to keep you're mouth closed until that very. Last. Moment... What if you choose not to open your mouth? To not let the water in?" I ask.

"You do anyways, it's a reflex." He answers. "But... If you hold off, until that reflex kicks in, you have more time, right?" I ask. "Not much time." His voice hushes. "But more time to fight your way to the surface." I explain.

"I guess." He states. "More time to be rescued." I lay back down. "More time to be in agonizing pain. Did you forget about the part where you feel like your head is exploding?" He explains. "If it's about survival... Isn't a little agony worth it?" I ask.

"Yeah, but what if it just gets worse? What if it's agony now and then... It's just hell later on?" He starts sobbing again. "If you're going through hell... Keep going." I start to cry with him. After a few minutes of us crying together, he speaks. "Thanks, Kay." He states.

"What was all of this about, anyways?" I ask. "Its the stress." He replies. "All of these shows, not seeing you, management always pressuring me." His voice becomes shaky. "Just breathe." I sigh.

"Inhale confidence, exhale doubt." I state. He breathes for a minute, then speaks. "Wow. That actually helped." "Cam's wise words." I state. "What do you mean?" He asks. "Before our Tokyo show, in magcon, Cam told me this exact words. And they've stuck with me." I state.

"That horrific day." He says and I shake my head. "It's over now. Look at the bright side, you're home in a few weeks." I close my eyes. "I can't wait." He sings, as I smile. "School's out when you get home." I state.

"And since I've been doing online classes, I can walk the stage with my girl." He laughs. "Wipe that smirk off of your face, Mendes." I giggle. "How did you know?" He whines. "I'm not stupid." I laugh.

We spend the rest of the night on the phone, talking nonsense. Finally, at 7 AM, I start getting ready for school. I just throw on some sweat pants, an Ed sheeeran tee shirt, and some vans slip ons. I wear my hair down and throw on Shawn's sweater. Today is my lazy day.

After school, I FaceTime Shawn. "There's that beautiful face!" He exclaims. "There's that ugly face." I joke and he laughs. "I'm totally kidding, you're cute." I take a sip of my tea. I set my homework up as we talk about his crowd last night.

"They were so loud. I loved it." He Smiles. "Yeah." I say while trying to write some answers down. "Easy or hard home work?" He asks. "Kind of easy." I shrug. "Are you okay?" I ask. "Now that I'm talking to you, yes." He smiles. "Shawn, please don't bottle things up like that again." I pack up my homework.

"It's just hard. Not being able to see you, feeling pressured by management, getting sick." He looks down. "Keep going." I remind him. "I promise I will." He smirks. "Oh, and by the way. I wrote a song." He shuffles around the room.

"You've written a couple." I state. "This one's special." He smirks and grabs his guitar. "It's called No promises. This is just a draft though." He puts his phone where I could see him. "How ironic." I joke. He starts singing.

When he finishes the song, my mouth gapes open in shock. "Shawn. That was so awesome." I exclaim. "I knew you would like it." He sets his guitar down.

"You just threw so much shade though." I fake wipe a tear and we both bust out laughing. "This is why I love you." He blurts out and I start blushing. "And this is why I love you." I reply.

(A|N): HIIIII oh and BTW I give all of the credit of the video to the owner so yeah and umm school is going well and I am completely inspired so YEAHHHH okay byaa muffins