Hiding My Pain (Completed)

°Chapter Thirty Two°√ Tired

"Keep in mind that people change, but the past doesn't."
Becca Fitzpatrick
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Dawn- (graphic content)

Some people say escaping is better then staying.

And I did just that.

For years I've carried the memories, burden and weight of my past. True that some people may have worse then me, but to me it felt like every single bit of the memories from the day it started , it had suffocated me. No more then that, it drowned me while suffocating me. The amount of pain is so unbelievable and yet I manage to still walk around pretending that everything is okay .

Thats what I've become very good at. Pretending that everything is okay around everyone. Sure I know for sure that I'm not the only one with that talent. And that alone breaks me. It breaks me how many people could pretend to be fine when inside they are tired,

tired of trying,

Tired of of living .

Tired of breathing.

Tired of being alive.

Can that even be a thing?. How is it so easy to pretend that everything is okay when all you ever feel is drowning in pain.

I've felt that for years.

And I carried everything alone, kept everything inside even when its piling up.

I've never had anyone to actually truly look deep into my eyes and see what I was going through. What I had gone through. And not a day go by do I stop wishing that someone out there could see me, see the girl drowning and suffocating.

But that day never comes.

I've tried to run and forget but each time it comes back. He comes back.

Amazing how one person can ruin someone's life in a blink of an eye, amazing how someone ruins someone else's life and goes living like everything is sunny and flowers.

Buts thats what we are .

We are living , breathing destruction. We constantly destroy one another , in hopes of receiving pleasure from it. While the victim is left in pain.

I'm in pain.

Everyones in pain.

But yet we destroy one another instead of helping each other.

I've given up hope in life and living. I thought maybe this new story could help me, could build up the ones ago fairy tale.

But I was wrong.

It follows me. Everywhere I go the pain, the suffering. It follows.

He follows.

I thought I was safe from him. Same from his palm .

But yet here he was today on my birthday.

The sound of banging on my door echo's behind me. I couldn't breath, nor could I hear and think. I want that pain to go away. To let me live my life for ones.

My body moves on its accord , only focuses on releasing the pain.

I walked towards the sink, there laid a freshly shaver , clean and unsuded. Its voice luring me in to take it in the palm of my hands then slide it against my delcate skin.

And I do just that.

taking a piece of the blade , I slide against my wrist, slash after slash, but yet I do not feel the pain. Instead I feel the pleasure. I felt reliefed. Blood oozes down from my wrist to the ground dropping like a thousand raindrops.