Hiding My Pain (Completed)

°Fourty Two°√ The Orginial Me

"Sometimes when you've been through hell a couple of times it becomes like your permenant home" 
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~Dawn~

From the moment your mind opens up to the world you learn things you've never known existed. When your a baby your innocent , pure, sure maybe when you were three you stole a piece of cooky, then ten you accidenatlly broke something that belongs to your parents,  then your thirteen you learn theres a whole other world out there for you that's when your mind becomes tainted, tainted by the corruptions that goes around you, not only does it taint your mind but your soul. By thirteen you develope your first crush, that unknown feeling that makes it feel like you've got butterflies in your stomach then soon you learn your first heart break. The first time you felt that pain, either from rejection or breakup, but you'll feel that pain that stays with you for the rest of your life, the moment you'd feel your first heartbreak. 

The first time I became tainted, became a human filled with pain was the day I lost my family, the day when I was so naive that my life would always be perfect, be happy, no pain, no cries, no heartbreaks. I was only thirteen when I lost my family, I felt that loss , that pain. I was vunarable which gave Liam the opportunity to catch me in his net, play me in his game. From that moment on when the first time he told me he'd stay with me was the first of my suffering. 

I've been through hell multiple times that it felt like it became my permenant home. My life with Liam was what I thought would a fairytale, that is until he took his charming perfect dazzling smile and showed his true self. 

I lost my family at the age of thirteen. 

Abused from fourteen to sixteen from the person I thought I could alwyas count on too shieled me from harms. 

At sixteen I lost my first child, a being that I carried inside me, a part of me.

Thats when the darkness swallowed me whole. I thought that avoiding, pretending like the darkness isnt around me would help. Instead I let myself be carried away by pain and misery because I felt I had nothing to live for. 

But now my mind opens up, my heart began to fill with light from the people I tried to stay away from. Bella, the red headed bubbly personality that could light up the room she enters, my brother who stayed with me, shared parts of my pain, a brother that survived so I wouldnt be alone. Then theres Kat who became like a mother, who nurtured me through my darkest hour, the bad boys who I was meant to stay away from, instead they've become like family. Each and everyone began to replace that darkness inside me with light. 

Then theres Damien, the leader of the so called bad boys. The one I knew was a bad boy, the one who I believed wouldn't see through me but he did. He saw me with that darkness above, around me. He was the  last piece of light that made me human again. Made me the girl I used to be, sure the past would never be forgotten, but what I've learned from life is that no matter how painful it could be, no matter how much your itching to give up on life in the end all that it matters is if you've tried. 

And so here I am clutching the gun that I've just fired. As I stare eye to eye with the monster, the one who destroyed me. He reaches for his chest which now had blood seeping through his shirt and then the monster that stood in front of me for three years, abusing me finally falls, the gun fall with him as well.

I turn to Damien who then had his eyes trained on me but the smile that was supposed to be on my face was replaced with pain. I look down to see my shirt as well stained with blood only it wasn't on the chest but on my side. Damien follows my eyes and he froze, before I could fall he reaches for me and we fall toghter. Damien held me in his arms as he crease my checks. I tried to speak but it only sounded broken, Damien hushes me then I feel his body shaking , his eyes full of terror, but yet all I feel was warmth.

"Your going to be okay Dawn..pl..lea..se ..stay..yy..with me."

I lift my hand up as he takes it and kisses it, I enjoy and savor that feeling of his lips on my skin. That feeling that  I've come to love , the feeling that ignites my whole being.

"I lo..ve...yo..u"

I soon began to feel the darkness inviting me in, but I wasn't I worried. In fact I was relaxed, I had family by my side who I knew wouldn't leave me, the people who I've become to care for . Even though there are parts of me that wanted to live, that finally had the courage to want to live I realized that I was thankful I survived my suicide attempt because then I wouldn't have finally be able to hold Damien for the last time, I wouldn't have been able to let him know that I loved him.

Before the darkness takes me whole I read what Damien had said although I couldn't hear I still understood it and it made me happy that he'd love me back.

I survived long enough for this, to meet them , to enjoy being with them and too realized that there's more to life then pain. Everyone that I've met finally made me realized that pain is part of life and those who can survived through it all even after pieces of glass goes beneath their skin but manage to stand tall has the strongest will to live. I thought I didn't deserve to live, I thought I had went through hell because I deserved it.

But Damien , everyone that I've met made me realized that its all life and no one can really stop what happens all we could ever do is go through it hoping to come out still standing.

The darkness take hold of me but this time I felt like the old me.

The original me.

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Y'all two more chapters and this book is done.

Im pretty sure they're all semi edited but I'll be rechecking.

Anyways what y'all think ?

yall think she's gone?

What about Liam? .

Anyways stay tune for more.

1129 words counted.