Millions [Poetry]

fell an angel

fell an angel

october19twenty17

I've reminisced over losing regret, but the hollow has never truly ached as it does now.

next door neighbor tries to fill both homes, ends up scraping against the interior and making me pain even more. guilt never understands, while regret always tried.

guilt is in my stomach, twirling up my insides cotton candy. guilt is in my eyes, burning hellfire. guilt is in my heart, home base, growing and collecting and becoming so massive that it drags me down.

it probably would have been better for everyone else if I had just cut my old habits. I just knew I would find a fresh start, but then fall again. I knew.

I had wanted to. maybe it would be different this time.

it is. I fell and dragged everyone down with me.

I toppled headfirst, and tumbled round and round in happiness. finally.

but I realized that above me are others, invisibly chained to my wrists. the weight of my guilt pulled us all down.

I pulled an angel down from heaven with my guilty heart, doesn't that make me a sinner?

it only amasses more weight with this revelation. I've closed my eyes now - I can't stand the mess I've made. there's no turning back, no anti-gravity I could mend with.

my sickness drags us all down - my soul aches when I try to think of your angel face, and all of the scars I must have left in my wake..

what redemption is left for someone like me, still falling with my burden heart.

how dare I. I never should have.

but I did. and there is no ground beneath me, so I fall into my own despair, and my utmost demise.