spotlight :: malum

: sixty six :

Tour feels fifty times harder to go through when he doesn't have someone as energetic and bright as Michael to keep him on his feet doing something. Now he has time to sit and just think and then the thinking turns to stress, stress turns to anger, and anger results in a headache. He feels drained and it's only been two days. It's not like Michael and him can text or call, timezones prevent any full conversations from happening right now.

They're in Brazil, Tiffany offered to take him out to a restaurant for lunch and he forced himself to agree. She can sense his boredom and his lack of enthusiasm, luckily she caught onto it fast enough to stop him from going into full reckless mode. David took his cigarettes from him and hid every ounce of alcohol in his vicinity. So, this time the crew is definitely taking precautionary measures.

Being in a new place is pretty nice, though. Brazil has always been on his list of places to play at and now that he's finally here it feels surreal. Almost all of his venues sold out this tour but when he heard his Brazil date sold out it felt more than accomplishing. Even more important than Madison Square Garden or San Siro Stadium. This place is new to him and he hasn't performed here before.

"We have an interview tomorrow, around nine in the morning." She has her professional voice on and has a grin on her perfectly glossed lips, her hands scroll on her phone and reads off a text, "David said you should only be there for half an hour tops."

Calum just nods, his eyes looming out to watch the scenery as they drive around streets to get to their chosen restaurant. Something aches in his chest and he doesn't feel very excited anymore.

"You know, I'm no psychiatrist but dreading the rest of this tour because Michael's not here is not the smartest decision." Tiffany's brown hair is swept away from her face so she can get a good look at the nowhere close to amused brunette still gazing out the car window in a longing gaze.

"Just feels worse." He mumbles it more so to himself but she nods along to urge him to continue, his voice cracks, "It's not like how it felt before I met him when touring was a burden it's so much harder to go through it because he's so far away." He sucks at talking about his emotions, he's much better at writing them in poetry and lyrics.

"Before, it was more of a hatred towards going through touring, the constant repetitiveness of doing the same scheduled stuff over and over." Calum sighs in exasperation, opening up is not his forte, "Now it just. . .hurts. Michael's so far away, it's more of an empty feeling. He was the only thing I looked forward to when I'd wake up because he was right there next to me making plans to go wherever to do whatever."

"Calum." Tiffany laughs a little and has to reach over and place a hand on his knee to get him to look into her eyes, "You miss Michael."

It almost felt relieving to finally put a name to what he was feeling but at the same time he felt embarrassed. He sounds vulnerable and weak by saying he misses someone. That's not what his management molded him to be. Their money-maker of a superstar can't be seen frowning, that's giving the world an insight into his feelings and according to them, iconic rockstars can't have any of those.

"There's nothing wrong with missing him, don't think there is." She squeezes his knee for comfort then pulls away, "He probably misses you just as much, if not more."

She's not wrong, the little texting that they were able to do in the morning had numerous heart emojis and other sentimental things he'd deny he ever sent if someone asked him. He got a selfie of Michael pouting cutely and he sent one back after just waking up. He's not really proud of how fast he saved that picture of him onto his phone, or how quick he was to text Michael back every single time.

"It's just the sort of thing that comes with your career, long distance relationships and stuff suck but it's worth it in the end." Her phone is clicked off and placed daintily on her lap, "Just think of how great it'll feel to get off the plane in Sydney and reunite with him."