The Note ↠ Daniel Seavey

Chapter 45

March 17, 2018

I sat there, curled into my blankets. What else was I supposed to do? How- how was I so stupid? I should have listened to my gut, but I latched onto the first thing that showed me love.
Rapid knocks sounded from the door.
"Kourtney, come on. You haven't left your room for a week, let alone the house. The only time you've left was when you left the boys house. You have to get up," Nadia said. Her voice sounded worried, but I couldn't get up. I cant. "Kourtney, come on. I know it's hard but you can't stay like this forever."
A moment passed before she let put a sigh and I heard her retreating footsteps. Each tap on the floor was full of defeat.
I finally moved, only to get my phone off the nightstand. The wallpaper was changed to a generic picture of the ocean, but I swore I could still see his smiling face staring back at me.
Nadia had come in before to take out the trash, which was full of all my memories of him. Him, did I even want to say his name? The one who betrayed me after I have him everything? I believed him. I believed that... that he loved me.
Stupid. So stupid of me to believe that it was true. So stupid of me for not listening to all the red flags, pointing out what was right in front of me. It was all my fault. I didn't consider how he felt, or if he was happy with me. Yet, I kept him trapped with me, all because I wanted someone to love again. Stupid, stupid, stupid. He is happy with Natalie, more than he was with me.
Which brings in the question, was Hayden my fault too? Who am I kidding, it's all my fault. I was the one they weren't happy with. Did anyone truly love me? Does anyone truly love me? Probably not. Nobody was happy with me then, why would they be happy with me now?
My phone buzzed again. Probably another text from the boys asking if I was okay. They've all really worried, especially Daniel. But I haven't opened any texts after the first few. I didn't want to get sucked into more lies. I wasn't worth their care. I pulled my blanket around me again. So, so stupid.
My thoughts were inturpted by my balcony door opening.
"So you're alive."
I shifted my glance up to Daniel, then back down at the blanket.
"Can you talk to me?"
Nothing.
"K."
Nope.
"Please."
Not gonna happen.
"Kourtney."
He's getting pissed.
"K, please. You know you can talk to me about anything."
Not gonna happen pretty boy.
"Do you wanna know something?"
I'm not gonna anwser.
Daniel sat down on the bed beside me, both of us facing forward. "I'll always be here for you. I don't care about those fuck boys who pretend to love you then leave. I only care about my best friend."
Tears. Tears that I have been holding in for five days. Tears that held all my built-up pain. All my confusion, anger, sadness, every negative emotion basically.
Daniel pulled me into a hug. "I'm so sorry Kourtney. You deserve none of this. I hate seeing my best friend so upset over a stupid guy."
"Why. Why me? Why does this always happen to me when I'm in a serious relationship. I should just give up on guys. I don't know who to trust anymore. Sometimes I don't even know if I can trust my best friends. Every relationship, and friendship, has come to an end so far, except for you guys and Nadia. Everything is always my fault."
"Nothing has ever been your fault. Well, maybe a few things, but all of that. Friends, relationships, none of that was your fault. They didn't deserve such a beautiful and caring girl like you."
"I see him everywhere. In my dreams, my wallpaper on my phone, my brain decides to bring out all of our memories instead of storing them away for good."
Daniel took my phone out of my hand. "I can fix the wall paper problem."
He handed me my phone back after a few minutes.
I looked at the lock screen. It was a picture of me, nadia, the boys, and Logan when we went to a tour stop with them last year. I unlocked my phone and my wall paper was now my favorite picture of me and Daniel.
"Thanks."
"No problem."
Daniel put his arm around me and I snuggled into his side. I slowly let my eyes drift closed, not afraid to see him in my dreams again.