A Happy Ending (Shannon and Cammie)

Chapter 25

Shannon POV

Flashback

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"Shannon, why can't you just stay here with us tonight?" my mom asked. 

I gave her the same look I'd given her every night for the past week. I just couldn't be here at night. It got worse when it got dark out. During the day I was able to keep myself busy enough so that I would be distracted, but at night the only way to distract myself was to drink. So that's what I did. Nearly every night for the past couple weeks I'd been going to the bar. I didn't even bother answering my mom, I just walked out the door. 

I'd been going to the same bar each night, so I was getting to know the regulars there. "You know, I'm starting to think you're just coming here every night to see me," the bartender smirked at me. She was short, blonde hair. She had big brown eyes. 

I gave her my best smile, which wasn't much of one. "Well you're the one who gets me drunk every night, so I guess you could say that," I winked. The truth was, we'd actually gotten to really know each other. She told me about this ex boyfriend of hers that was a major dick and I told her about how my dad and how we never got along because I'm gay. 

"Maybe that's my problem, maybe I should just date girls," she laughed to herself. She said it as a joke but I wondered if there might be some truth behind it. She had been pouring a glass when she said it and she looked up at me and smiled. 

I could hardly help but to smile back. Maybe it was just the alcohol or the fact that I was lonely and she reminded me of Cammie, but it made me feel something. I hated that I felt something, but I couldn't stop it. 

She was closing up the bar. I stayed behind to keep her company, and because there was a guy that had been hitting on her and she told me she was freaked out. "Do you want me to walk you out?" I asked her. 

She nodded, grabbing her things. We walked out to her car and she turned to face me when we got there. She didn't say anything to me, she pulled my shirt and kissed me. I was shocked when she did it. It was just a quick kiss and she pulled away and smiled at me. It felt wrong but it was something to fill the void. I knew I shouldn't have done it but I was drunk enough to make the decision. I kissed her again. 

After a brief make-out session in the parking lot we went back to her apartment. I woke up with a massive headache, and an even bigger heartache thinking about what I had just done. I turned to see her sleeping peacefully next to me. I laid on my back and stared at her ceiling. I felt a tear fall. "What have I done?" I whispered to myself. 

I got up, got dressed and left her apartment. I left her a note apologizing for last night. 

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"Cammie I'm so sorry," I cried. "It was a wake up call for me. I was in such a dark place losing my dad and pushing you away. After I did that I snapped out of it. I realized how awful I've been. I know it's not an excuse." 

She was crying, of course, but she was being rational. "So you didn't need me to make you feel better, you needed to fuck some random girl," she said. Her voice cracked. She sounded so hurt and so betrayed. 

"It's not like that. I made you come back home because I love you and I didn't want you to hate me for turning into that person," I paused for a second. "Even though I'm sure you already do," I said that part quieter. 

She looked deep in my eyes, "I don't hate you. I love you, Shannon. That's why it hurts so much. You chose to let someone else hold you while I was thousands of miles away, wishing I could." 

I hate myself for hurting her. "It wasn't like that at all. It wasn't meaningful and it didn't numb my pain. You're the only person that can make me feel that way, it just took being away from you to realize that. And I know you probably won't believe me, Cammie, but I thought about you everyday. I wanted to come home to you, I just couldn't. I couldn't let you see that version of me."

She didn't say anything, she just sat there trying to stop the tears. "I missed you so much while you were gone. It was so hard for me because I didn't know what you wanted. I didn't even know if we were together and I didn't know if you were ever going to come home."

"I still want us to be together, Cam. I fucked up and I know that. But I didn't feel the way for her like I feel for you. I'm in love with you," I begged.

"I love you, Shannon, but the only reason I haven't slapped you in the face and kicked you out is because I know you were hurting and I know you were in a dark place. Regardless, those aren't excuses. This is going to take time," she collected herself and got up to leave the room. There was nothing I could do, so I let her go. 

I walked over to her bedside table that sat near our bedroom door. There was a picture of us on the stand. I picked it up and slid my back down the wall to sit on the floor. The picture was from when we were in New York. My mom had insisted on taking pictures of us in front of every single landmark. Unfortunately, my mom is horrible at taking pictures. Only one of them came out good. It was when we were atop the Empire State Building. It was so windy and our hair was all over the place. We tried to take a picture so many times but they kept coming out bad, so my mom just started taking pictures on burst. She caught one of Cammie and I looking at each other, laughing. The way she looked at me, I'd do anything to have that again. I held the picture frame in my hand and I started to feel myself tear up. A tear drop fell on the glass right over Cammie's face. It blurred her smile and her eyes that looked longingly into mine. "What have I done?" I whispered to myself again. 

Cammie POV

I don't know how, but I knew something happened while she was away. I could tell by the way she looked at me when she first saw me. She didn't pull me into her and give me a passionate kiss that told me she missed me. She felt too guilty. She cried, but I knew they weren't happy tears. 

Regardless, I was heartbroken. I tried so hard not to get worked up in front of her. I had every right to, but I didn't blame her as much as I should have. She had no excuse to be unfaithful, but I know she was already hurting. She had her guard down. She was careless. I could only be so mad at her for that. It just doesn't make it hurt any less. 

I left the room when I felt myself start to get worked up. I wanted to bawl my eyes out but I didn't want her to know how much it hurt. I could tell she already beat herself up for it. I know she deserved a slap in the face, but I didn't want to lose her again. She still had that same look in her eyes from right after her dad died. That look that she was still in there, but she was hanging on for dear life. I wanted to get mad at her, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I didn't want it to be the last straw before she became someone I didn't know anymore. I wanted a chance at seeing the real Shannon again. 

I left our bedroom, shutting the door behind me, and slumped down against the wall outside our bedroom door. I let the tears fall. I sobbed, biting the sleeve of my sweatshirt to keep myself quiet. I heard something against the other side of the wall I was sitting on. I wondered what it was until I heard a soft sniffle. Shannon sat only inches from me. The only thing separating us was this wall, yet I felt like I was losing her. I felt like I couldn't reach her, even if I tried. I wanted to reach into that hole she had dug herself in, but I was so scared that I wasn't strong enough to pull her out. I leaned my head back against the wall. "Come back to me, Shannon," I whispered.