my little things (one direction fanfiction)

chapter 20- Laura and Red Cuts

WARNING SCENES OF SELF-HARM ARE WITHIN THIS CHAPTER. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU FIND THIS SORT OF THING UPSETTING AND/OR TRIGGERING! if you wish to not read this chapter for this reason or any other reason please just message me and I can tell you what happens.

if you need anyone to talk to about this or anything else I am always here and will always reply to your messages!

STAY STRONG!

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I woke up. the beeping of a heart monitor. white walls confining me within the small room. Niall, Zayn , Liam, Harry, Louis, El and Perrie all in the room. rain slapping against the windows angrily. I sat up and everyone looked up at me. the only sounds came from the monitor droning on and movement. I looked around and noticed my stomach under the sheets. I looked up at everyone but their eyes avoided mine. no. a man in a white coat with glasses on and a clip board in hand came in shutting the door behind him.

"You got lucky, but sadly not everyone did." he told me as a tear ran down my check. "but miricals happen. and some how two survived but you did lose one of your babies. I am so sorry." he told me. Niall came over and I bawled my eyes out into his shirt.

"c-can I s-see t-them?" I asked. he nodded and left the room. I know I seem weird but I wanted to see my child before I had to say goodbye. it would feel wrong to say goodbye before hello. a nurse came back in with my baby wrapped in a pink blanket.

"here is your daughter and I am so very sorry." she said as she placed her in my arms. I cradled the child in my arms as more tears fell from my bloodshot eyes as I looked at my small vanrable child. im her mother. im meant to protect her. im meant to look after her. I love her so much and yet before I could tell her properly she was torn away from me. one of my salty tears fell on her soft face, just below her right eye. it almost looked as though she was crying and it broke my heart even more. I held her by my cheast and cried my eyes out as I bawled. half an hour later the nurse said she had to take her.

"wait. I need to name her." I said as my voice broke and more tears fell. I looked at her. it was like she was sleeping. and she was. she was sleeping. just she will never wake up. never will we see who she looks like. what colour her eyes or hair was meant to be. never. "Laura." I said as I looked at her.

"Laura, it was mum's name." I smiled realising, that like my Laura, I am never going to see mum again. I cried again.

"goodbye Laura. mummy loves you so so much! remember that!" I whispered before kissing her forhead and handing my 'sleeping' baby to the nurse.

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the car ride was silent as I looked out the window. nobody knew what to say. we got to the flats and we all went to Liam's. we sat down and we were in silence. I looked around as I saw that there were tears in Eleanor's and Perrie's eyes and some in the boys eyes too. at that sight I just broke down into load sobs as I shook in Nialls arms. I soaked his shirt crying as I thought. its not meant to be this way. she was meant to be born with her two siblings, she was meant to be alive.  I had cried for 2 hours and some of the others cried as well, even though the guys will never admit it. we sat there again in silence. I couldn't stand it so I got up and left I went to our flat, the door was still broken down in pieces on the floor, our bedroom still had blood all over the floor. back in the corridor all the doors were damaged somehow. well all but one. I went down to the end door and opened it slowly and waddled in and slid down the row as I looked at the three cots lined up along the wall. I cried against the feature wall, knowing that only two will be used now, I rubbed my stomach, it only felt 2/3s full. I felt a part of me missing. I got up slowly and went to the black paint can and grabbed the small thin art brush.

I dipped the brush in the gooey liquid and went back the feature wall and dropped to my knees in the right corner of the wall.

'LAURA: 11th January'

around the words I painted small hearts around it. I put the brush down and looked at the name and broke down again. it was then I felt arms wrap around me from behind.

"I know babe, I know." Niall whispered.

"why did it happen Niall? its so unfair. she doesn't deserve to be dead!" I yelled.

"I know but we'll get through this. I promise" and he planted a small kiss upon my forehead and we stayed like that before the darkness took over.

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I woke up in bed with Niall's strong arms around me. I looked at the clock and it read 2:23AM I sighed and slowly took Niall's arms off me and slipped out of bed towards the en-suit. in there I looked in the mirror and whipped the small strand of hair that was over my face to behind my ear. I looked my self in my bloodshot eye as a tear slipped away. I grabbed my razor sat in the shower and gripped it in my hand as it slipped over my skin in a swift movement leaving a trail of blood that went across the middle of my wrist. I did this again. the pain starting to ease mentally. only a little. maybe another will help? I told myself.

and hour later I was sat on the floor, razor still in hand, my wrist had 26 red gashes upon it some deeper then others. some longer then others. small drops of blood fell from the wounds and landed on my thigh that was below it. there was no hope at the moment. when was there. I pulled the razor above my hand and was about to strike my skin again when I felt something. a kick. no. not any kick. a babies kick. with in me. MY baby's kick. I clutched my stomach and smiled knowing.

im wrong.

there is some hope.

new hope.

inside me I have my children. not all of them but two of them. healthy happy and in 3 months ill see them. I smiled.

I frowned. my wrist was covered in cuts that were sure to leave a scar. battle scars. scars of a war between only myself and survival. I promised Niall I would stop. I promised Zayn I would stop. I promised myself! but I couldn't do it. till now. im going to do it im going to stop!

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"OH MY GOD! LIZZIE!" I heard Niall scream after steering next to me. talk about unusual wake up calls. "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO!" Shit! my arm

"I- erm...." I looked at it to see it was still bleeding a little. "shit!" and I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. I grabbed the first aid box and started searching for a bandage. I found one and attempted to wrap my arm up. I failed miserably and Niall had to help.

"I know it looks bad but I have found new hope and determination and I think I can stop this time!" I stated as Niall continued to wrap the bandage around my arm.

"good! I have no idea what ill do if I lose you or another of these babies! you all mean so much to me!" Niall said as he placed a hand on my stomach. as his hand made contact a kick came from with in me.

"looks like they like you. and I love you!" I smiled

"I love you too." and he placed his soft lips upon mine and we held a passionate kiss between us.

 

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awwww! isn't it cute! who likes nizzie? I do! but what about someone else.........? no hints or anything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyways im sorry for the self harm scene and I promise I take it very seriously! if I find someone has harmed themselves or gone over the edge because of my story I will not hesitate to delete it! if you or somebody you know suffer from self harm contact me and I will help!!!!!!!!!

anyways hope you liked the chapter

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