finding thea

Chapter 35

THEA POV

Once we got home, I land on my bed, arms spread wide and staring at the empty ceiling. The feelings I had for Logan was foreign. I never had a normal teenage life. I didn't know what love is or what it feels like. I know what I felt for Logan is something else. Maybe I'm just holding onto the first guy who is nice to me. But I didn't feel the same for Antony.

I sigh.

Stupid feelings.

I never liked the idea of love. People get hurt when love is involved. The saddest thing about love is not not having it, but it is losing it.

I had parents that loved me, that loved each other. But I was there to witness them falling out of love. They didn't love each other anymore and I was hurting for them.

At first, it felt like a stab in the heart.

Then, it felt like nails scrapping the inside of your heart out.

Last, you felt like everything is breaking but you have to hold it together.

Pretending was something people learn to do. But I wore it like my second personality. I pretended to be happy. I pretended to smile. I pretended to not love when I loved so deeply for people that didn't loved me.

I felt tears rolling down my face and I was done. I let it all out. I curled into a ball and cried out all the tears that I held back; from the times my mother abused me to when my father abandoned me. From when Logan and Jake despised me and the time I lost everything.

I felt the walls of my heart finally had it and crumbled into ashes. The hallow center was bleed dried.

"Thea?" Logan knocked the door before he walked in. "we are heading out for dinner-" he stopped when he saw me broken down at the corner of my bed. "What is wrong? Are you hurt?" he scanned my whole body. "Did something happened?"

I pulled away like his touch was burning my skin. His eyes furrowed in confusion.

I tried to say something but my throat was shut. I attempted to walk pass him but Logan was fast so he caught my waist before I got out the door. He swept me up and land me on my bed, caging me between his arms.

"What is up, Thea?" he looked worried.

I was muted from words.

"Hey," Brandon called out. "Logan, Jeff is here," he said and walked in.

Logan was still not off me. I looked at Brandon who grinned then walked out.

"Logan is busy," he told Jeff just loud enough for us to hear.

"I'm not leaving until you tell me," he said, drawing my attention back to him.

My body was shaking. His eye didn't leave mine and my damn toes curled. This was what I want to avoid. My cheeks were burning hot.

"Logan!" Jeff called out from downstairs.

"Thea," Logan started. "tell me what is going on."

"I miss my dad," I said.

Really, Thea? Really?

He didn't believe me.

"We will go back soon so you can see him," he said instead of calling me out.

I nodded.

"Thea," he started again. "you can tell me anything, okay?"

I nodded.

"Okay. Rest. I have business with Jeff but we can have dinner later. Okay?"

I nodded once.

He gets off me and I felt instantly felt the absents of his heat.

He gave me a short smile before leaving and closing the door behind him.

"I'm sorry, Logan," I whispered and started packing.