finding thea

Chapter 50

THEA POV

Logan drove me back to his mother's house. My dad was waiting outside in the cold, hands in his pocket, ears as red as the Christmas lights, and a frown that took up half of his face.

"Dad," I was lost of apologies.

He pulled me into a hug and I felt him squeezing the life out of me.

"You scared the fuck out of me."

My dad doesn't curse. 'Shit' was the worst he could do.

"I'm sorry," I said softly.

"Let's go in," he said. Pam was making tea for me inside. Logan sat across the room as dad tired to justify my actions.

"Why didn't you call me?" dad asked.

I didn't want you to worry, I wanted to say.

"Why did you leave LA?" Pam asked.

Because it hurts to stay.

"Thea," Dad started, "You have to start tell me what is going on."

"It doesn't matter now, does it?" I said.

"Hey," Jake and Grey came back. Tony looked worried and wanted to talk but he would have to get in line.

"Thea," Dad was getting frustrated. "What do you mean it doesn't matter? You walked back to her house. Do you not remember what happened there?" he lost his anger.

"Do I remember?" I wanted to laugh. "I have to lived with it. Do you remember?"

His face went pale.

"You didn't cared before, don't start now," I said. "Suddenly you want to do charity work and help a broken girl? Well, this broken girl grew out of the broken places by herself."

I was done. Who are they to tell me what I should do.

"Don't talk to your father like that," Pam said.

"Yeah?" I chuckled. "where were you when she abused me?" I asked dad. "where were you when she slammed me against the glass and I had to pick the broken pieces off my skin late at night when she passed out from being drunk?" I can tell he was getting sick. Pam was about to throw up. The boys, they watched like I was an erupting volcano. "Where were you when the man walked into my room?"

The room fell silent.

I've never told anyone this before. I can't even remember the face that touched me that night because I was too scared and it was too dark. But I remember the touch. I remember the voice- his voice. I remember what he did. Every second of it was still burning at the back of my head.

"What are you talking about?" Logan was behind me in second. He grabbed my hand and turned me around. I looked into his eyes. It's odd how just by the look in his eyes chased my demons away, even if the demon was my own self.

Damn. I had to take myself back mentally. Physically, he was still holding hostage. I pulled my hands away from him and stepped back.

"You can't play on broken strings," I said.

His eyes were clouded with confusion.

"So that is it?" he asked. "You are just going to give up on LA and your dreams?"

"No," I said. "I'm just taking a different route."

"What does Ohio have for you? The club? What can you get out of it?" he asked furiously. "You run home just because I slept with Chloe?"

"You what?" Pam, Jake, and Tony said at the same time.

"You wish you had that big impact on my decision," I laughed.

"Really? Tell me what is your plan here? Get laid and hope to get a rick guy to take care of you?"

"Logan!" Grey warned.

"I don't need to depend on anyone," I said. "I never had. People leave anyways and at the end of the day, all you have is yourself."

I turned to walk about but Jake held my hand to stop me.

"Thea," Jake started. His voice was a little broken and shaking.

"I know you never meant to hurt me," I said to him. "but you did and nothing can change that."

I dusted out the door. It was snowing in Ohio. I couldn't feel my fingers or my toes. But my heart was bleeding. I ran as fast as I could until my own legs betrayed me. I fell to the ground and found my hot tears burning its way down my cheeks.

"Thea," Logan was behind me. I didn't hear him follow me out but I didn't want him to see me cry. I wiped my tears away and quickly gathered myself together.

"Thea," he kneeled beside me to help me up but I pushed him away.

"What was it Logan?" I asked.

"What?" he was confused over my question.

"What was it that you want from me? What was it that you wanted to prove from getting close to me then taking it all away? Do you hate me that much?"

"Thea, I didn't mean to hurt you. Chloe and I-" he paused.

I waited for him to find a reason for me to stay. Instead he couldn't.

"Because you are a man and you have needs," I said. "I get it but I am a girl and I have wants and a dignity."

"Thea, I am sorry," he held my hand before I got to walk away. "what do you want me to say? What do you want from me?"

"Either come close or stay away because I am tired of being half loved," I said. His hand fell off mine. I lost his touch and I felt something was stripped away form me instantly. I gathered the pieces of my heart and found the last drop of courage to walk away.