finding thea

Chapter 43

THEA POV

The next few days past like a storm. I was so consumed by the music. Logan would listen to me play and sometimes he falls asleep on my bed. I can't blame him. He works a lot and is tired.

This morning, I knew he was out of bed before I woke up. The bed felt emptier. A note rest at the night stand next to me.

Meeting and audition. Will be home late. Miss me. -LP

I found myself smiling silly at the note. I got dressed and ready to go to Matt's gym. I've been here a couple times a week and it has been helping me to clear my head. The relationship Logan and I had grew stronger over the last week. Judy came over less and everyone was happy. However, some part of me felt unsteady.

I grabbed the boxing gloves and started training with Matt. He was a great teacher and he is one of the few men I trust not to hurt me, partly because his wife was so nice and friendly, and if he did, she would break his toe.

"Matt, don't hurt her," she shouted.

"Come on, little girl. Show me what you got," Matt challenged.

I ran towards him just as he ran toward me, I jumped off the floor, wrapped my legs around his neck and twisted, causing him to fall with me on top of him. I caged his neck.

"Not a little girl," I smiled.

"Nice," he chuckled. "you are small and fast."

"Excuses," I rolled my eyes and got off him.

"You are. But you are not strong enough," he pressed me on my back against the floor. I tried to pull away but he was stronger.

"Since you can't be strong, use your speed. Once you got him down, run as fast as you can. Don't wait," he said.

I nodded.

"And-" he offered me his hand and pulled me up, "don't underestimate men." He picked me up effortlessly and threw me across the room. I landed on the floor with a laugh. With Matt, I know this were neutral. I gave him a couple punches. When we train, there was no rules. Survival was the goal. This was what I need.

After training, I felt sore but satisfied. You know the feeling of being undefeated? That was how I feel but my mind was still unsettled.

Once I got home, Evan was there. He grew interest in music as well and Andy, him, and I have been hanging out a lot.

"I got you a brownie," I said.

"Thanks," he hopped with joy.

I fell asleep after a tired day. When I woke up it was already night time. Logan should be back. I head out my room but no one was home. I heard a settle noise coming from Logan's room. Unconsciously, I walked to his room. My hands were on the knob when I heard a moan and a girl spoke.

"Yeah, that's it," someone said.

"Damn," Logan moaned.

My heart sank and I felt sick.

"Don't," Brandon startled me. He looked concerned. I felt a raging fire burning inside of me. I turned the knob and opened the door. A girl was in his bed. He looked up, shocked but then he looked annoyed.

"Excuse me," the girl looked pissed. "What the heck?"

I felt my heart been stabbed by a knife.

"Chloe," Logan started, kissing her cheeks and covering her body with his. "She is my sister."

Logan twisted the knife.

My chest tightened. Shivers ran down my body and I was stone frozen at his door.

"Brandon take her out and shut the damn door or I will fucking-" before he could finish, Brandon covered my eyes with his left hand, closing the door with his other. Once the door shut in front of me, I stumbled back a few steps.

"You knew?" I asked.

"They-" he was lost in words. "we ran into her and-" another pause.

"What is going on?" Andy asked.

I walked away.

Because it was all I could do.

I felt pieces of my heart left a trail as I go.

This time, I didn't bother to pick it up.

I was breathing heavily but I couldn't feel oxygen in my system. Once I got into my room, I went straight to the bathroom and turned my inside out.

He was with her. I felt betrayed. But silly me. I didn't matter. I never did.

I was only his sister.

I sank to the cold floor and pressed my hand on my heart, thinking that might help hold the pieces of my heart in place but it was too late.

I shut my eyes and stopped my tears.

I need to turn it off. The emotions and feelings. I just need to turn them off.

I learned to stop feeling after what my mom did to me. It was easy. When she slaps me and abused me, I just turned it off and it was easy.

I need to stop feeling now because if I don't---

I balled my hands together and hugged my knees against my chest. Everything was spinning.

Then, I turned it off.

Like a switch.

My numbed heart felt empty and hollow. My tearful eyes were dried. My head stop wondering on the what ifs.

Because there were no what ifs anymore. I was tired of getting my hopes up to let it be torn down again. He did it once when I was young. Now, he has done it again.

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, shame on me.

He was not going to fool me the third time.

If he does, I'm gonna get the frying pan.