finding thea

Chapter 62

THEA POV

When we got back home, Brandon went to edit the video right away. He was so excited for it on the way back home that he was talking about all the shots he is planning next. Logan watched me through the reveal mirror and smiled.

The thing between me and Logan is still a mystery for me. Sometimes, he treats me like his little sister that he wants to protect but didn't have a chance when he could. Sometimes, he treats me like I am the only person he sees.

My feelings for him was clear in my heart but a mess in my head. I always liked Logan, ever sense we were young, but did I love him? Or was I craving for someone to love me because no one did?

I went into Logan's studio and messed around with his new keyboard.

"Dirty tissues, trust issues

Glasses on the sink, they didn't fix you

Lonely pillows in a stranger's bed

Little voices in my head

Secret keeping, stop the bleeding

Lost a little weight because I wasn't eating

All the souls that I can't listen to, to tell the truth

Loving you was young, and wild, and free

Loving you was cool, and hot, and sweet

Loving you was sunshine, safe and sound

A steady place to let down my defenses

But loving you had consequences."

When I saw a reflection, I jumped.

"Sorry, dear," it was Pam. "That was beautiful," she smiled.

"Thanks," I said.

"I want to say thank you," she said and held my hand. "for everything you did for Logan. This was truly a test for him and I am so happy that you are here for him."

"I wouldn't leave him," I said.

"I know," she said. "Some of the people he thought were his friend did. I guess now he knows who is loyal to him."

I nodded.

"I have something else to tell you," she said.

"Yeah?" I looked up and worries painted all over her face. "What is it? Is my dad okay?"

"Yeah, he is great," she said. "he took care of your mother's funeral."

"Oh," I sank into my seat. I felt something pressing down my chest.

"You can still visit her," she said.

I nodded.

"She loved you," she said.

"You don't know that," I said.

"I do," she said.

"No," I said. "no one does. Not even me and since she is dead, no one will."

"She left something for you," Pam said.

"What?" I looked at her and she held out a letter.

"She wrote a letter?" I didn't reach for the letter but my soul was clinging onto it.

"Take it, sweetheart," Pam said. "I'm not asking you to forgive her for what she put your thought and everything she did to you. But she is gone. Do it for yourself. You need closure. Don't let the demon from the past still haunt you. You have a great future. I can see it. You have so much talent and being here with Logan makes you happy, does it not?"

"He makes me happy," I echoed her words.

"I know. He is your brother. I know Logan and Jake has already accepted you as their own. You are family now," she said. Her words cut me.

Brother... right.

Damn, what was I thinking? I can't possibly be with Logan even if I want to. After what Pam had done for me, I can't do this to her. She will be disgusted by me if she finds out. Will she kick me out? My heart was racing and my hands were shaking.

"Thea?" Pam looked worried.

"Thank you," I said and took the letter.

"I'll leave you to it then," she smiled and got up. "and Thea?" she said before leaving. "Thank you for being there for Logan but we are here for you too. So if you need anything, don't hesitate."

I felt my heart sank in guilt.

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