Nothing's Fine

Chapter 19

I walked out of the room, not looking back. I was beyond pissed off. What right did he have to say I was pathetic? I stomped into his room straight to his bed. On the side of it, was a pair of bright pink panties. The anger I felt for him blew up. I was on a full outrage. I threw his sheets on the ground, and headed for the bathroom. I started gathering towels and such from his room. I grabbed his trashcan, and immediately dropped it. A tear rolled down my face. He had sex last night with his girlfriend. Why was that such a heartbreaking fact to me?

I heard the door slam and I quickly wiped the tear away, grabbing the trashcan once again, not looking inside it. I turned around slamming straight into Liam’s chest. He wrapped his arms around me, and took the trashcan from me, placing it on the sink beside us. He picked me off the ground, and carried me to the bed. He gently laid me down. I didn’t fight it, simply because I knew he would easily stop the fight.

He laid down beside me, and pulled me back into his chest. His hand fluttered up and down my back, soothing me. His other hand had a firm grip around my waist, so that I couldn’t move. I felt his lips press against the top of my head, and I almost shuddered. Where was Danielle?

“You’re not pathetic. I’m sorry.” He whispered into my head.

I didn’t respond. I just laid there, letting him comfort me. I closed my eyes, and took in his scent. My mind wandered and I wish it hadn’t. Last night, he and Danielle had sex on this very bed. Even though the sheets were off, it still grossed me out. I moved my hands up to Liam’s chest, and started pushing away. Instead of backing off, Liam grabbed my hands and intertwined our fingers. He moved our hands together down between us.

“Why won’t you tell me what’s going on?”

“Because.”

“Because isn’t an answer Sarah…”

“It’s a good enough answer…”

“It’s really not though. I just want to help.”

“I don’t need your help.”

“Yes you do.”

I yanked my hand out of his grip and pushed against him again with all my force. This time, I was able to lift myself off the bed.

“Liam, I don’t want to argue!”

“Why? It seems like that’s all you want to do lately!”

“What I want to do? What about you?” I yelled.

“What about me? I’m trying to help you!”

“Obviously, I don’t want your help!”

“You told Louis! Louis, of all people, knows your secrets, but I don’t? That’s bull shit!”

“Louis found out on his own! That’s your own fault for not caring enough to figure it out on your own!”

I pulled the caring card, yet again.

“I don’t care enough? Sarah, this week has been hell for me!”

“Oh yeah? I can tell! Hell sex for Liam every night! Danielle is truly an understanding person.”

“She’s my girlfriend! You just want us to not have sex?”

“That’s not what I said!”

“Yes it is!”

“How is that what I said if that’s not even what we’re talking about you idiot!”

“Damn it Sarah! Why won’t you just admit you’re jealous?”

I didn’t respond. I glared at him. If looks could kill, I was stabbing him everywhere that would hurt.

“I_Sarah_” He ran his fingers through his hair. “Maybe you should just go home for today.”

“I have to work.”

“Listen, you know if you stay, we’ll run into each other. You need to go home.”

“Mrs. Shay will kill me.”

“I’ll tell her! Just leave!” He yelled, pointing towards the door.

I walked out of his room, holding back the tears stinging at my eyes. I wasn’t gunna stay here. I had to go home. Home to my mother who was probably there waiting to bite my head off. I reached the bottom of the stairs as Niall came around the corner.

“Hey babe! How’d the Louis thing go?” He snickered. It wasn’t his fault. He left the room so he didn’t know.

I ignored him and walked out the front door, not bothering using the employees exit. I probably wouldn’t work here after today any way. I’d be lucky to live another day. I walked down the street, completely aware of the cameras hiding in the bushes. Once I reached my house, I took a deep breath. I let it out knowing that holding my breath was useless. She could probably feel my presence outside the house. I know I can feel hers. 

I walked up to the door, not bothering getting my keys out, nor knocking. I felt my heart pumping as I turned the doorknob. As I walked in, and took in my surroundings, I noticed that hell hadn’t taken over my house. In fact, it looked the same as always. I figured mother would have thrown a fit, but then I realized, throwing a fit would mean that she cared.

I walked into the living room, where she was passed out on the couch. I smiled to myself. Nothing had gotten better, but nothing had gotten worse. Then again, there wasn’t much to get worse with. I dropped my bag down on the table, not thinking that it would wake my mother. I saw her stir in the corner of my eye. I stared at her as she rose from the couch.

Her eyes were bloodshot, along with the deep purple bags under her eyes. I saw a little bulge. Before I could even say hello, she went into a full out screaming session.

“I see your sluttin’ around with the Payne’s again!”

I didn’t respond. I knew better than to respond.

“Tripping and falling down the stairs… What a fantastic excuse! You wanna know a little story?”

She began getting closer to me. I had nowhere to go.

“There was this no good little girl, who liked to make her mother’s life a living hell. Her mother provided a perfect place to stay, but that was no good for little Miss Princess. One day, after this little ungrateful girl left for work, she fell down some stairs. Instead of getting up like she should, she milked it! She knew that if she was put in the damn hospital, people would come looking for her mother. Those people found out that she was pregnant! They took all her alcohol away because it’s bad for the baby! So now, the mother is fucking dry, pregnant, and poor because the little bitch of a daughter decided to fall down the flight of stairs!”

It had been a week since I had to fight off the beatings. It was a lot like conditioning. If you get beat enough, you tend to get used to the pain. Take a week off though; you have to start all over.

Her hand swiped across  my back. I yelped in pain, falling to the ground. Her foot quickly found my face. I heard a crack, and felt liquid running down my face, but didn’t dare move.

“How dare you leave me with this baby?” She hissed.

She picked me up and threw me against the wall. I crumbled to the ground. More kicks came along with the punches being thrown. I laid there. I deserved it all. I shouldn’t have left. I should’ve never gone to the hospital. I should’ve never gotten a job at the house. I should’ve let that guy rape me. I should’ve never considered Liam as a friend. I should’ve never been born.

The next thing I heard was my mother’s body dropping to the floor alongside me. I opened my eyes just enough to see if she had truly passed out. She hadn’t. She had been knocked out. By who? Well of course. Mr. Liam Payne.