Nothing's Fine

Chapter 45

I stood there, not swallowing, and not breathing. I had gone into shock. Chantelle came into view and her eyes went wide, immediately shushing the girls who were asking me what was wrong. Liam stood there, staring at me wide-eyed.

“I’m going to take them to their rooms. I’ll be back in a little bit.”

The girls whined, obviously not wanting to leave their play area. I still stood in the same spot I had been for the past minute, as did he. We just stood there, staring at each other until I noticed him begin to talk. His mouth opened, then closed, shaking his head before meeting my eyes with his. They were filled with tears, and just like all the other times that came with him, mine were too.

“Mommy?” I choked out, and the tears began.

“Would you like to come in?”

“No. I think I’ll stay out here so you can keep hiding my daughters from me!” His voice cracked.

“Only one is yours.”

“What do you mean only one is mine? They’re the same age!”

“A month apart.” I whispered.

He shook his head as he walked inside and sat on the couch.

“It’s been five damn years Sarah!” He hissed, holding his face in his hands.

I didn’t know how to respond. I was going to kill whoever gave him my address. Why was he here? He had to have had something better to do than to show up at my home, unannounced, after not speaking for five and a half years. I wanted to correct him and say it had barely been four, but he was right. He hadn’t been there for the pregnancy either. He left the night after we made love, and we never spoke again.

“Which one is mine? How old is she? What’s her name? Damn it there’s so many questions!” He cried.

“Kaylie and she’s three.” I barely whispered as I took a seat next to him.

“I called and texted so many times.” He stared at me. “That’s my daughter. I’m a father, and I didn’t even know! Why? Why the hell did you keep her from me?”

“What was I supposed to do Liam? Call you up, be like, ‘Hey Liam, I just fucking gave birth to your child.’ Would it have even mattered?”

“Yes it would’ve mattered Sarah! Damn it! I don’t even know what to say!”

“You don’t have to say anything. I’ve been raising the two of them for almost four years now. I think can handle the rest of their lives.”

“Can’t we discuss this? Like normal people? Sarah, this is worse than Louis finding out about his. At least El told him! Sure, she didn’t tell him she kept it, but still!”

“What if she did Liam? He would’ve came back right? Which means he wouldn’t be in One Direction. Hell, for all you know, there wouldn’t be a One Direction and we wouldn’t be having this fight because you had already dropped me on my ass once! So there’s a reason for everything! El waited to tell Louis so he could live his dream! You yelled at me that last day because I was being selfish and wanting you to stay with me. I was just doing as you asked!”

“That doesn’t freaking count Sarah! You know it doesn’t! Once it involves another life, everything I’ve ever said, or you’ve ever said goes out the damn window!”

“I wasn’t going to ruin your life Liam. I should’ve. I should’ve told you to get your ass back here to raise your child, just in spite of you leaving me the day after we made love! But I didn’t! You know why? Because I never stopped caring. I always wanted you to live your life, the way you wanted your life to be. Adding a child in the mix would just mess everything up!”

“That doesn’t matter! What did you tell her? That I’m a no good asshole who left?”

“I haven’t told her anything because she hasn’t asked.”

“What were you going to tell her then? Please enlighten me on how low you would dig me into the ground!”

“I wouldn’t do that and you know it. I was going to say you were off living your dream. That you would be back someday. That way, when you didn’t, I could tell her that you were still living your dream because you would always be living your dream as a famous popstar.”

He bit the inside of his lip before continuing.

“We would’ve eventually run into each other, you know that right.”

“Yeah. You were so close multiple times, but I was always able to get out quick.”

“You’re joking right? God damn it!”

He stood up and began pacing the room. His fingers ran through his hair, causing it to stick up in every which way.

“You’re smart enough to know why this is so very wrong right?”

“Yes. I was hoping to get by though. That I would always get a warning to get away.”

“You know, I should’ve known there was something up when your mom told me you moved out, but I let it go. I just followed Lou’s directions here. I pretended like this was going to be some sort of amazing reunion. I don’t know why, it never is. Either I’m mad or you’re mad whenever we’re together. There’s a couple questions still unanswered though.  Who’s the other kid?”

I gulped. “My mothers. The one that’s in jail.”

He laughed an intimidating laugh. “Un-fucking-believable. You’re incredible, you know that?”

“What?” Tears pricked at my eyes.

“Not only are you hiding my child from me, but you took your mothers child, who could’ve ended up with a nice, real family. One that had two parents!”

“She also could’ve ended up like me. With a parent that was in jail and another that abused her till she was almost dead every day. Made her work for money to pay her drinking habit as well as the house bill and concealer to hide her scars!”

“That doesn’t happen! They check records!”

“You don’t know if they’re going to be good parents or not until they’ve had children. I guarantee they thought that mine would’ve been good to me, but they had never had a damn child. Most adoptions are for when a mother can’t have a baby, therefore, they don’t have records of parenting!”

“You don’t  have a record of parenting either!”

“Yeah, but I have a perfect example of how not to fucking parent!”

He shook his head and rolled his eyes at me.

“You know what? I don’t even care. Do what you want. I need to go.”

“What?”

Call me naïve and stupid all you want, but I honestly believed that the day he found out, he would man up and father his child. It was an utter shock to me that he was just going to pick up and leave, and sure enough, that’s exactly what he did. He pulled his sunglasses out of his back pocket along with his keys and walked to the door. He shook his head one last time before slamming the door behind him.

I was wrong to not tell him. I’ll admit that. I should’ve told him the day I went to the doctors to confirm my pregnancy, but this was utterly irresponsible. Knowing that you have a daughter, despite the mother not telling you, but still walking out on her? He doesn’t deserve to know he has a child. He’s an asshole, a dick, a boy. He’s not a man and will never be a man. He’s pathetic.

The tears blurred my eyes, refusing to stop. I heard the alarm go off, and I jumped. I scowled as I realized what it was. I picked the Kinny doll out of my pants and threw it at the door where he had just left. It was all his fault. Not only now am I an emotional wreck, but now the third round of grilled cheese was ruined all because he showed up.