In Memory of a Dark Era

Peeing Your Pants

"None! Zero!" Dazai tittered as he made his way to the building. "We wouldn't set a date that'd be too predictable to the examinee!"

"Ah, right. That's somehow assuring," you mumbled the last sentence as you followed the brunette with a hunched frame showcasing the blissful relief that massaged your previously stiff shoulders.

Still, is it acceptable to work at any field for almost two months and without undertaking an Entrance Exam?

This is what you call slavery.

"Wouldn't you think that the best test would be your reaction to me getting in danger?" He gushed with glee.

You couldn't help the twist of your expression as you asked, perplexed, "are you implying that I already took the exam?"

"Huh?" Dazai responded with a questionable look apparently not recalling a moment in which you acted as his knight in shining armour.

The two of you ended up face to face in the middle of the long staircase when you decided, regretting it later for sure, to remind the bandaged man of that one painfully embarrassing night:

"Remember that on night you were running to me for help?" You questioned, initiating your emotional doom. "You were stuck in a traffic bollard! Did you think it would magically kill you or something?"

That night, you didn't really care whether Dazai is dying or not. In fact, that came second to what you felt the moment you saw a human-shaped bollard with long legs running really fast in your direction, calling your name in a muffled, creepy tone and in an empty street.

Dazai's response to that started with a low snort and instantly elevated to roar of laughter. When he leaned on the cracked wall for support, you instantly knew he was, once again, exaggerating in hopes of ticking you off.

The disdain in your face was a sign of his success.

As usual.

You just had to fight the urge to punch him in the gut and give him a good reason to lean on something.

"I... I remember!" He said in between his laughter. "How could I ever forget the way you ran away with quaking slippers!? It was like chasing a toddler with squeaky shoes! SO CUTE~!"

You gritted your teeth as embarrassment heated your face further.

First of all, you found it reassuring to hear quacks whenever you threw the garbage at night.

Second of all, you... you kind of peed yourself.

Just a tiny bit in your panties.

But Dazai would never know.

Cheers to that.

Angrily, you humphed and went up the stairs past Dazai's dying, seal laughter, "this is why I'm never helping you in anything, ever again."

"Aww, come on! I didn't even do it intentionally!" Dazai pleaded while following you. "Some thugs stole my pennies and stuck that creepy bollard on me so I wouldn't see their faces."

'If you had pure intentions, you would've said that you were Dazai-san,' you thought to yourself resentfully but didn't bother to saying anything, wishing to drop the subject and focus on the task.

"What's taking Kunikida-san so long?" you asked finally finding a suitable subject to distract him with.

"(Y/N)-chan~! Did you have to bring Kunikida-kun up?"

You gave him the 'look' after stopping in front of the criminal's flat.

"Alright, alright," he sighed giving in to your serious gaze. "He's probably caught up in impressing a pretty lady. Naturally, that'll take longer than needed," Dazai answered cheekily with a wink.

Not heeding any mind to what he's suggesting, you leaned against the wall and declared eyeing Dazai's raised hand, "we'll wait for him then."

"My hand is already on the door. Can't stop now~!"

"Yes, you ca-" Before you could even finish your sentence, Dazai knocked making you squeak like a panicked baby penguin.

"Already knocked~!"

"Dazai-san!" you whisper-shouted. "Who in their right mind knocks on a murderer's door? Do you expect him to invite you for a tea party?!"

"That would be nice~!" Dazai sighed heartily with an ecstatic face while knocking on the door repeatedly.

You placed a palm over your forehead forgetting for an instance that you were conversing with a Mad Man.

"Seems like being polite won't work," Dazai sighed shrugging his shoulders. "It can't be helped," he concluded staring at the door.

You let out a breath of relief, "Yeah, we should wait for Kunikida-san."

"On second thought..." Dazai slammed it open with the side of his body.

You stood there with your mouth wide open as his head came out of the infiltrated flat and said, "What~? I had to do that or the criminal would've ran away with all that loud knocking."

Pressing your lips together you mumbled, "your knocking."

"If you're so scared, you can cling on to my arm and come with me~! Or just wait here and greet the guy when he comes, kay?"

"I'll wait," you said stubbornly.

"I heard he had a couple of cases of rape before," Dazai whispered with a deathly serious expression and then smiled innocently, "so play nice~!"

Dazai disappeared into the apartment as your face gradually lost all of its colours.