[Dazai Osamu x Reader]
The world knows you as a person with numerous masks and personalities all thanks to the immoral line of work you've decided to do... to survive.
Your survival doesn't only rely on money, it also relies on the fact that your t...
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Today was one of the rare days in which all the agents were present.
It was also a day where you found the courage in you to fix your office life. Therefore, you seized this opportunity to act humbled and wronged in front of the President to awaken his sympathetic side. The results were in your favour and you succeeded in getting permission to initiate the Judgement Day.
A day in which you'd address issues you faced from other agents in hopes they would heed your words and abide by them.
The agents positively received your request much to your surprise.
When in all actuality, they despised a plain day and would do anything for entertainment and you willingly offered it. Free of charge.
Naturally, they welcomed your enthusiasm for justice with open arms.
You, on the other hand, were passionately attempting to change the injustice of your life.
"Seems like everyone is present..." you whispered after checking the filled office. Without further ado, you cleared your throat and started with the leader, "Fukuzawa-san-"
Before you could dare utter another syllable, Kunikida interjected with his protest, "You have no right to say anything to the President!"
"I just started..." you defended looking at the blonde disapprovingly.
It seemed that Kunikida hadn't failed to disappoint your expectations.
The moment you stood to deliver your judgment, the Ideal Fanboy was on the edge of his seat, waiting for the chance to disagree.
Kunikida was definitely devil's incarnate.
"Addressing my issues to the president will only strengthen our bond and trust for each other. In other words, mind your own business," you stated giving him the stink eye over the sheet in your hands.
"Give me a break," Kunikida muttered resting his back against his seat, folding his arms and crossing his long legs. Answering his request, Ranpo handed the man a Kit Kat making the blonde sigh and accept it out of respect.
You witnessed the scene with a sweat-drop almost forgetting what you were doing until Dazai reminded you with an overly friendly tone, "carry on~! This is already entertaining!"
After heaving a sigh, you proceeded to read what you had for the completely unbothered, old man, "Please, I know that you don't mean to, but don't open your door like King Kong. Some of us are innocently standing behind it, organising files in a horribly situated cabinet."
"Re-position the cabinet," Fukuzawa ordered plainly.
"King Kong..." Kenji trailed off quizzically as daisies blossomed around his radiantly innocent face.
"King Kong," Tanizaki repeated pressing a hand to his lips, suppressing a chuckle from escaping.
"If that can be done," you replied, ignoring the side-comments.
"No way, there's no space and you're never entering the storage room," Kunikida, once again, protested.
A beating irk mark popped on your forehead and your grip on the paper tightened as you snapped, "Okay! I have an idea! How about no comments and just me saying what I have to say, deal?"
Your small audience nodded obediently except Dazai who was thoroughly enjoying the show with his hands cupping his smiling face, Ranpo who was munching on his junk with glee like he's watching the latest, low-rated comedy and Fukuzawa who was silently pouring himself sake.
Having concluded your fruitless exchange with the president, you headed to the next person on the list, "Ranpo-san, stop offering me candy knowing that I'm on a strict diet and then eating it like you're filming its commercial."
In response, you only heard Ranpo's infamous, loud laughter.
Getting really discouraged with your progress so far, you ignored the mad detective and addressed the next person, "Kenji-kun, it's cute that you ask for my help, but I'll have to remind you that I'm not the Hulk."
The blonde bundle of joy giggled cutely crushing any chances you had for resentment. The small cinnamon roll, however, whispered his promise to try, almost teasing the tears out of your eyes.
"Yosano-san, please don't treat my bruised fingers for a heart failure."
The doctor humphed and mumbled while flipping through the magazine on her folded legs, "so unappreciative."
"Atsushi-kun, I'm sick and tired of seeing your ass perked everywhere. If I see it like that one more time, I'll slap it. You've been warned."
"Wh-WHAT!?" Atsushi exclaimed getting off his seat and perking his butt.
"Kyouka, I have nothing to say except kiss Atsushi-kun already. I want to plan your wedding."
"Wh-WHAT!?" Atsushi nearly shouted while Kyouka perked up in astonishment.
"Naomi-chan and Tanizaki-kun, I've heard you two moan more than I'd hear moaning had I watched hentai 3 times a day for an entire year. So please, give peace to my ears."
Naomi blushed with the face of a proud pervert while her brother looked in disdain with a heavy blush. The high schooler so proudly suggested, "If you want lessons, you know where to find me. Stop complaining like a virgin."
"I swear..." You muttered ignoring her and continuing, "Kunikida-san, just... stop. Let me breathe. I won't eat you, your book or your Boss."
"So you're saying you've got eyes on my book now?" he asked in disbelief. "I'll keep my eyes on you," he adjusted his glasses in preparation for a stronger surveillance.
"Dazai-san..." you called with an exhausted sigh almost pleading him.
"Yes~?" Dazai replied eagerly like a puppy after getting the perfect attention he wants from his master.
"I don't want to die," you let depression speak for you.
"Say it like you mean it, then," Ranpo remarked.
"Yeah, don't give him ideas," Tanizaki encouraged.
"No, no one's getting ideas," you retaliated and turned to the sparkling brunette. "I'll find you a pretty woman who wants to commit suicide, too. As for the suicide, I have it all staged!" Eagerly, you borrowed the agency's board and showed Dazai a simple outline of the suicide.
Ignoring the disapproving protests of using essential agency equipment coming from Kunikida, you explained, "Since you don't like pain, you can jump off the highest building for an instantaneous death! Survivors report the sensation of time slowing down, so while you're at it, you can share a kiss or stare at each other romantically or something. How's that?"
"Ah, great..." Yasono mumbled face-palming.
"She's becoming a second Dazai." Kunikida snarled.
"That's a compliment, Darling," Dazai sighed dreamily keeping his love-stuck eyes on you.
"He's getting ideas," Tanizaki confirmed.
"He got an idea," Ranpo corrected.
"Let's live happily!" Kenji announced.
"Seems like two of us aren't, though," Atsushi commented.
"So romantic!" Naomi exclaimed. "You and Dazai!"
"No, did you forget the part where I said I'll find a woman?" You questioned, confused by the sudden explosion of responses sounding from everyone.
"But it's too much work telling the plan to someone else~! You already know it, so you fit the role!" Dazai happily concluded.
