[Dazai Osamu x Reader]
The world knows you as a person with numerous masks and personalities all thanks to the immoral line of work you've decided to do... to survive.
Your survival doesn't only rely on money, it also relies on the fact that your t...
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Ever since the incident placed a giant black spot in your history, you've retorted to various coping mechanisms to escape the guilt and regret.
You've learned to cook various dishes, studied a number of books on various topics, experimented with anything available in your vicinity, broke into a sweat with exercise but never have you chosen the wicked, more effective methods: alcohol, sex and suicide.
Alcohol tolerance was never one of your skills and after studying the health risks of the intoxicating, addictive drink, you never pursued this method.
As for sex, the thought of being physically exposed to anyone was a thing of horror. Was it the fear of someone's condemning judgement or yours? At some point you thought the two were one and the same. You were chubby and insecure about your appearance, not to mention that you never thought yourself capable of desiring anyone's touch.
A cruel joke was this day.
It disregarded years of effort to evade those three most despicable methods and will have you conclude it in suicide.
Strangely enough, you didn't need much time to make peace with yourself, not that it was really peace. Just a proclamation that you'll do what you ought to do before sundown without backing out of it.
Of all things limited for suicide, drowning was what you prepared for.
You thought the decision to be a collaboration with life to be as ironic as can be.
When you thought of suicide, Dazai's dark fantasies sprung to mind. Jumping off a skyscraper was the most prevalent among the rest as it was one of his most descriptive invitations but it wasn't appealing at all and very problematic. It didn't provide a moment of solitude and the possibility of an unneeded hero is especially high with this one.
Thus, after thinking hard but not long on your options, drowning seemed to be an ideal choice.
If suicide was not the answer to the puzzle, then you would be a dead body in the water. No one would need to be traumatised by an unsightly appearance and by the time they actually find the body, you'd be long gone.
A soul escaped from the lone and doom of a small grave.
You sighed pulling your hand from the soft waves of the water and tightened the knot on your ankle. At the end of the rope, an anchor was attached to eliminate any possibilities of survival.
"This is it..." you whispered to yourself and stepped to the dock's edge, toes curling desperately as your body woke to the suicidal tendency.
Resisting the alerts of danger, you pushed the weight of the anchor into the water and closed your eyes tightly at the harsh splash of finality and fear.
The rope's rapid descent in the water jolted your heart to an increased pace while adrenaline played its cruel role on your body.
For an instant, you wished Dazai could join in on this madness. Who would've thought that the man who made countless reservations for two with death wouldn't actually arrive in time to join you. A humourless chuckle escaped your lips at the thought.
You still wished him here. Your mind might've been committed to his presence more than the unfolding events so instead you clung to his memory, your breath quickened and you feet stepped off the edge to the deadly calm of water.
A voice scraped with fear called your name and you knew it to belong to the very person your mind held, but you didn't trust it to be related to reality. It had to be a figment of your imagination, a safeguard, and you weren't about to surrender to your mind games. Not when you've come this far.
It was bound to be a painful episode and you wished it to last seconds by parting your lips and welcoming the water into your system. Involuntarily, you found yourself struggling the outcome, pushing and kicking at the suffocating engulfment of water. You fought desperately to rationalise the consequences but your body sent jolts of unwanted panic through your veins.
Until finally, a moment of peace graced you in those darkening depths. A moment where the sound of nothingness soothed you and your body transitioned into an empty vessel, descending further and further into the dark. Your eyes fluttered open to face the brightness of the surface above, to bid farewell to the world and that's when you saw someone.
A soft smile drew on your lips at the sight of him diving to you.
You were glad to part with the executive and you wished to keep your eyes on his but they grew heavy as life idly slipped away from you. Yet your will forced them back open to look at not a single eye, but two very familiar eyes that dove closer and closer to you.
And at that moment, you fell into a state of heavenly serenity.
