Forbidden Love

~ 29

I looked at him as he stared right out of the sky, searching for something behind it.

"What are you talking about?" I raised my brows, pretending like I didn't know where the conversation was leading.

"Us," Alex pressed the word, hard. "You. Can't you see it?"

"See what?"

"That we are going nowhere," He let out a huge sigh and ran his fingers through his hair. "We aren't working. It isn't right. For both of us, for you, most importantly."

I didn't know what to say, so I just sat there and listened. As much as I hated where it was going, I knew I had no choice. Alex had been keeping it all up in him and I was not going to ruin it again. It wasn't fair for him.

"Do you know how beautiful you are, Camila? No, you're not just beautiful. I can find many girls that are beautiful, but you, you're not just beautiful. You're amazing, you're smart, you're exquisite, you're an art, you're a whole galaxy that I wanted to explore. You are so much more than beautiful," He started, his soft voice echoed through my ears. "I keep falling in love with you and each time is harder than the last. Every time the feeling gets deeper, more complete, more bewitching. There isn't a thing I wouldn't do to keep you safe."

I didn't want to look at him- I knew if I did, I'd ended up crying. In fact, I was already on the edge of it but I kept it inside.

"When I met you I'd already lost my entire world. How can you hang on to something so incomprehensible? How can you keep pouring love into an abyss?" He looked at me, smiling. "But then there you were. There was something in those brown eyes that was so beautiful, so safe and warm. In just one look I was home. I reached out and made the connection, and like God Himself had arranged it, you fell for me just as hard."

I did. I really did but it hurt me back.

"That first day we talked, just the two of us, I still recall the conversation, the feeling you gave. You didn't know it, but that day you saved me. We became inseparable," He continued. "Were we ever strangers? I'm not sure we were. That day I first saw you there was something even then, though I didn't know what. I wonder if there's an element of time that allows us to feel a strong love, like an orange glow bursting over a dark horizon. It was light for our eyes only, something to carry us through this life."

He held out his hand for me to take but instead of holding it like I would, I brought my lips and crashed it onto his. By now I already felt my cheeks was wet with tears. In that moment I knew that if I spoke, my words would fumble and I wouldn't be able to make my usual witty remarks. Right there and then, I was at a loss for everything; no words, no breath, no thoughts. The only thing that came out of my mouth at that moment was his name, and even then it came out shaky and quiet. "Please, just.. stop."

"I'm sorry, Camila," He mumbled, wiping the tears that fell down my cheeks. "But I don't want to let you live this way. In your words I am safe because they aren't just words. You are there every day, every year. You are there in the good times and the bad. Even knowing my faults, of which there are many, you are there to listen, to defend, to love. You understand my anxieties, my triggers and the ghosts that haunt me, driving actions that are so illogical to others."

I buried my face on his chest and let the stupid tears fell down my cheeks. I couldn't speak, I didn't know how to. All I knew was that I wanted him to stop talking, to stop reminding me things that I had been trying so hard to deny. I knew that our love had been going nowhere- like we were both on a vacation that led to an empty road. It kept going but we couldn't stop- we didn't know how to. All we did was keep driving without knowing where to go.