Forbidden Love

~ 35

  “So, let’s just put it this way,” Yuree had said from the chair, both of us were in my office the next day after the disastrous night. “Your dinner was a disaster, you met your family, there was Lauren, and then you met him.”

Sighing, I nodded my head.

“That was… awful.”

I rolled my eyes and grabbed a work files from the table and flipped it open. “Shocker, right?”

“Why does that sound like an intentionally sarcasm?”

“Because it is, smartass,” I threw a crumpled paper towards her and shook my head lightly. “Seriously, Yuree. I’m.. afraid.”

“Of what, exactly?”

“Of what could happened in the next few months!” I threw my hands in the air in frustration. “He showed up unexpectedly and talked to Rhea! I felt like God just purposely did this to me because I hid Rhea from her own father. This is all probably just the karma finding its way to me.”

“Hey, you didn't hide shit. He was the one who left you, remember? It’s not fair for you to just take all the blame and put ‘em on your shoulders,” Yuree said.

I looked up at her and let out a huge sigh. I really didn't know what to do- what was wrong and what was even right. I knew things were over despite how much I hated how it turned out to be. I knew I should leave him alone to lick his wounds and move on, it's the most humane thing to do. We broke up, it doesn't to be more than that. I knew that I was ready to move on, perhaps if I just abandoned him that maybe he would too.

But sometimes, I replayed the events in my head and wondered what was the right words to say. I wondered what if I fight for him and begged him to stay, would he still be here with me? Sometimes I never felt so alone and yet I knew only one person can cure the empty feeling in my heart. I just wanted to cry in frustration because I knew maybe I was all to blame. I didn't fight enough.

“I can’t do it,” I snapped out of my thoughts when my tears threatened to fall down. “If one day I had to tell him about Rhea, I just.. I can’t fucking do it, Yuree.”

“We’re not really sure for how long would he even stay here, Camila.” Yuree grabbed my hands and held it in her palms. “If one day you have to tell him the truth, I’m sure you will be ready.”

I nodded my head, but would I? Would I ever be ready to tell him the truth about everything, and even if I did, would it make everything better? Just the thought of it made my head spin. I wrapped my hands on my face and sighed. “Gosh, I’m just so tired.”

“Don’t push yourself too hard, okay? Everything will turns out like how its meant to be,” Yuree gave me a reassuring smile and I just nodded my head, forcing myself to believe her even though I knew deep down it wasn’t going to be pretty.

I decided to drop off the topic and went back to my work. Everything was just a big maze puzzle to me and I didn't want to drag myself and stuck in it when I could be doing something else. As I grabbed a brown file from my desk, my phone rang. Yuree motioned her hands towards the door and I nodded my head, watching her as she left my office. A private number popped up on my screen. I wanted to ignore it but then I thought about how Austin sometimes used his private number to call me, so I answered the call.

“Camila?”

I jerked up my brows. That familiar voice, I knew who it was. But it couldn’t be her. “Lauren?”

“It’s me,” she said and I gripped my phone hard. “Hey, please hear me out.”

I looked at the clock on the wall and sighed. “You got two minutes.”

“Okay. First of all, I want to apologize for everything that I’ve done. I know how fucked up it was and how much a bitch I was to do that to you.”

“1 minute passed,” I muttered under my breath.

Lauren kept quiet for a few seconds before she continued. “I don’t think this could work. Listen, can you please meet me at a cafe near your office this evening? I will tell you everything and I mean it, everything. From how it first started and how it just.. turned out this way.”

“Lauren, I appreciate your honesty but.. I honestly have put everything in the past. I have moved on, I forgave you before you even apologize to me, and I don’t think I even need to know whatever happened back then because.. I’m happy now.”

“But you have to know, you deserved to,” I started to wonder about the truth. It’s true, I never knew what actually happened that made everything turned out this way. How Alex just suddenly wanted to leave me and ended everything. And Lauren knew, she knew and she wanted to tell me. But could I handle the truth if it was not what I wanted to hear? Knowing dad planned everything had already hurt me the way I could never have imagined. What if the truth was far more worse than what I knew?

“Fine, okay,” I gave up. I knew whatever she had to tell me was not gonna make me feel better, but I needed to know at least why it happened the way it did. So I could maybe fully accepted it and move on, instead of questioning what actually went wrong in my life. “I’ll let you know when I arrived.”

“Thank you, Camila,” A sigh of relief escaped her mouth instantly. “I’ll see you soon. Bye.”

I ended the call and stared out of the window. Some part of me felt afraid to know the truth, but the other felt like it was the right thing to do.

Maybe, just maybe the truth could actually end my suffering.