Forbidden Love

~ 38

  The leaves in the park had their autumnal blush and though the tarmac path was wet from the night's rain, the sky above promised no more. In an hour or so the path will dried and the leaves will spring up, their water weight gone. Breathing in the fresh air and feeling it on my face was a tonic for me after the oppressive summer heat and a few moments of unexpected things kicking me in the face with no warning.

I sucked in the fresh air as I watched Rhea playing at the playground with a few other kids from a bench. Rhea’s allergic was getting better after a week since she was discharged from the hospital. I hadn’t spoken with neither Lauren or Alex; my days were focused on my business task rather than to things I knew I shouldn't give too much attention to.

But it was hard, it got hard when every time I looked at Rhea, all I thought about was him. Was it right what I did? Hiding him from knowing his own daughter, his blood. A tiny, breathing life that came from the love we both once had. It felt wrong now that I knew he talked to Rhea but had no single clue that she was his daughter. Every day I had to live with the guilt that had been living in myself since the first day and it only got worse when my head kept telling me that I was wrong for not telling him and it came to the point that I just felt disgusted with myself.

I was better than that, and Alex deserved better.

But my heart, damn it my heart. My heart knew better. It was impossible to just tell everything about Rhea when he least expected it. I didn’t know how he would take it all in, and I honestly was afraid of the thought of him reacting to what I had been keeping.

For the first time in my life, I really didn’t know what to do. I had no idea, zero clue. I just wanted things to go back to normal, I wanted to get up in the morning and make breakfast, send Rhea to school, go to work and go back home like I was supposed to. It was the right thing to do- acting normal just like every other day I had live.

But it felt wrong now- so wrong and I didn’t know what was right anymore. Every single things that I had been thinking had left me with only one question- should I tell him the truth?

Snapping me out of my thoughts, my phone rang in my pocket. I glanced over Rhea in the playground before I picked up the call.

“Camila,” Austin’s voice greeted my ears.

“Did you read my text?” I said.

“Yes, I did.”

“And?” I quirked my eyebrows.

“I can’t, I’m sorry.”

Despite me expecting it in the first place, I heaved out a sigh. “It’s fine, then.”

“You’re not mad, are you?”

“I don’t know, ask Rhea,” I said coldly.

“Babe..”

“It’s a parents day, Austin. She would want you to be there,” I pressed my words firmly, hoping he would understand how much it meant to me. “Her friends would ask it and I can’t tell them her dad is not there in front of her. Can you please, don't make it hard for me?”

“So you’re making me feel bad-”

“Well, damn you should!” I forced a smile and slowed down my voice when Rhea turned my way as I screamed. “Look. It’s whatever. I’ll be there.”

A flat line of silence before he spoke, “What are you going to tell her?”

“That you have a business to take care of,” I looked over where Rhea stood with her new friends. “Isn’t that what I have been telling her anyways?”

Before he could say something else, I ended the call. Then I got up from my seat and called Rhea. “Let’s go, it’s getting dark. Are you hungry?”

“Yes,” Rhea put her tiny hands into my palms. I pecked a kiss on her head before we left to grab our lunch and my anger towards Austin had disappeared from my head.

------------

It was early and the machines were yet to warm, so I pondered the chance to rest a moment longer, to drunk in the aroma of the place. The same barista that I encountered last week with Lauren had tired eyes, yet there was that glimmer, a give away of her good heart. She was one of those surviving sparks, one of the ones who held on to who they really are. I asked for my latte to be warmed, apologizing amid my own tired smile, "Sorry, I'm just feeling like being a bit of a fusspot today."

I saw her spark glowed a little brighter, her face more relaxed, a smidge more joy in her eyes, "That's alright, dear, you be a fusspot."

I laughed unexpectedly, and I knew that I was feeling that tiny bit better too, "Thanks for indulging my fuss-pot-ism. I needed that."

She laughed and waved her hands away. “Trust me, working here for almost a year, I have met a lot more worse than your, ‘fuss-pot-ism’.”

I grinned sheepishly, watching as she did my drinks with no flaws seen. I should’ve guessed she worked there longer than what I thought. “Do you like it here?”

She glanced over me for a while before she went back to brewing the coffee. “Well, considering the fact that my son have worked harder than he should to build up this place, I love it more than I should. It gets tiring sometimes, but whose job doesn’t?”

Whoa, didn’t see that coming. “No way. This cafe is yours?”

“Technically my son’s, but yes,” She put my drink on the counter and typed on the computer. “He helps me a lot here sometimes, he actually is coming later. If you stay long enough, maybe you could meet him. That would be five dollars.”

I fished out a few notes from my purse and handed it to her. “I don’t think I would be staying here that long, but I came here a lot so maybe I would soon.”

She smiled softly as she typed in again. “She’s beautiful.”

“I’m sorry?”

She looked over my shoulders and I did too, back to where Rhea stood at the table, playing with her teddy bear. I smiled. “Rhea.”

“Her eyes reminds me of my son’s,” She said, a memories seemed to be crossing her mind as she smiled with a tiny glow sparked through her eyes. “Of my husband. Ones that you can’t possibly forget, no matter how you tried to get it off of your memories.”

My heart thumped at her words, something about it sounded familiar until I realized I had been saying the same thing sometimes, when I thought of him. I quickly parted my gaze away. “Um, thank you so much for the coffee.”

“Oh yes, sorry I took half of your times away,” She looked at me with a guilty smile.

“Not a problem,” I waved it away and started to walk towards my table when suddenly I felt a body pressed against mine at the same time as I turned around, and my coffee, lost its balance. The coffee spilled down the floor, a scream was heard from behind me and I took in the small pain as the hot coffee burned on my skins.
“I’m so sorry, I-”

“No, it’s my fault to-” I stopped when I looked up. My heart paced so fast in my chest I was afraid it was going to jump out of my chest. The burnt on my skins would feel pretty bad if I hadn’t been lost in the same ocean eyes I had been trying to get rid of. I stood there with no words came out of my mouth as I tried to take the moment in.