Forbidden Love

~ 37

 I sat there quietly, keeping my eyes closed, matching my breaths to the beeping of the machines that surrounded the bed, Rhea had been asleep for the past few hours after a second injection the doctor gave. My heart felt heavy, every beep of the machine made my anxiety grew. When the blue navy doors clicked open, I slid my eyes sideways as Alex walked up to the other side of bed and pulled out the chair. “Hi,”

I wrapped my hands around Rhea’s tiny one tightly and nodded my head. “Hi.”

“How is she doing?” He asked, running his fingers softly on her hair.

“Better,” I said. “They gave her a second dose, then she just fell asleep.”

The room was quiet. The night came like the spell of an enchantress. There was no hint of warmth left, nothing of the autumn or the kiss of the vanquished sun. The hours promised to pass slowly yet steal their body heat with indecent speed. In a way, I was glad that the day was over, for it had been a tough one. Looking over my shoulders, I stared into his blue eyes and glanced away when he turned to me. “You don’t have to stay, you know.”

“I know,” He muttered, his voice sounded so calm. “I just want to see her before I leave.”

Ask. I gulped down a lump that was forming in my throat. My heart beat rapidly against my chest. Ask me anything. Minutes passed by, silence kept growing and I waited for him to ask me anything, anything that could mean something to me.

But the room just kept on silent and my tears just kept on flowing.

“Well um, I have to go.”

My heart clenched. The sound of the chair scraped against the concrete told me that he was leaving. Again.

“Alex, I-” I spoke through my tears, biting my lips to hold me from sobbing. I miss you. I miss us.  “Y-you forgot your keys.”

He turned around and took the keys from the bed and started to walk away. But when he reached the door, he stopped on his track and turned around. “Camila?”

I glanced over, gulping down and clenched my fist. “Y-yeah?”

“I’m just-” He paused and ran his fingers through his hair. He cast his gaze onto the ground and his eyes darkened. He glanced up back at him. “I-I’m glad you’re doing okay.”

I took a deep breath and nodded my head slightly- what else could I do? There was so much things I wanted to say, yet so little things came out of my mouth. I silently cursed myself. “I’m.. glad you are too.”

“I miss us,” He muttered and my heart beat rapidly against my chest. “But it was over... wasn't it?”

“Alex,” I didn’t know why but I was pleading. I walked up so close to him and I cupped my hands on his face and God how had I missed it. I traced my fingers on his jaws, on his lips.. they felt the same. He was perfect and he never changed. “Don’t leave me. Not again. Not this time. You can’t leave me here. I need you here, Alex.”

“I’m sorry," He took my hands away from his face. “I can’t stay.”

“Alex, please. Just dn’t leave,” I begged. That was all that I could do- begging. But then before I knew it, he was gone. The sound of his footsteps slowly drifting away triggered my emotion- I remembered the night where he put everything about us behind and left. Everything around me turned into a dark, cold night. The earthy smells of the night pierced into my nose. I saw a fire lit up in the middle of the road, Yuree’s truck parked across the street. Then it hurt all over again- everything around me was taking me back to the moment I had tried so hard to forget- the last moment where it was over. Head spinning, the sound of my heartbeats pounded so clear in my ears, my fist clenched into a ball of anger.

Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me.

He left.

I suffocated.

“Camila!”

I gasped awake, feeling my back drenched in sweats. My heavy set of eyelids were wide open, Yuree was hovering over me, looking as confused as she could ever be. “Damn, were you having a nightmare? You’re looking pale. Are you okay?”

“Where’s Alex?” I asked, trying to sound normal but knew I had failed. Yuree sense it before I could even hide it from my face.

“He just left,” Yuree quirked her brows. “He said you fell asleep when he came in to check on Rhea, so he just put the cards and chocolates and left.”

I took a deep breath and plopped myself back on the chair. Everything felt so real. I looked down on my hands. Did I really touch him? Did we really have that conversation or was it just a dream? At that point I wasn’t so sure anymore. All I knew was that a few hours might had passed since Rhea had been admitted to the hospital. My head felt heavy and I was so tired with everything that had been happening.

Running my fingers through my hair, I laid my back on the chair and took a deep breath.

“Camila,” Yuree pulled out the chair and plopped herself down. “I know it’s unexpected. He just appeared. And I can’t possibly understand what you both have gone through in the past but please, Camila. Don’t get your hopes up for anything. I don’t want you to get hurt all over again ‘cause I’ve seen you broken, and I don’t ever want to see you that way ever again. It fucking sucks.”

“I won’t,” I gulped down my saliva and nodded my head. “I won’t.” Would I?

“Does Austin know?”

I shook my head. A pang of guilt crossed my heart as I thought about what could happened from now on if he ever found out.

“He better not.”

The door clicked open before we could talk more and Lauren walked slowly to the bed, careful not to make too much sounds with her three-inch heels. “What happened to her?” She exchanged glances and smiles with Yuree before Yuree left the room. The nurses only allowed a mother and one visitor at a time so they all took their turns to check on Rhea.

“Allergies,” I said, shaking my head. “Of cinnamon. The teachers called Yuree and told her about it. She just had ice cream.”

Lauren stroked her tiny hands slowly and a small smile carved on her lips. “Her nose, her lips.. looks just like you.”

I smiled. “Yeah.”

“But her eyes..” Are his eyes.

I looked away. Lauren caught the sight of me but before she could say something, my phone rang and I silently thanked the Lord for saving me from another break down. “Hello?”

“Austin’s here,” Yuree answered.

I closed my eyes and let out a sigh. “Okay,” I looked up towards Lauren who had her eyes set on me. “Lauren, I’m so sorry to say this, but Austin is here and he wants to check up on her.”

“Oh, of course,” Lauren quickly got up from her seat and pecked a kiss on Rhea’s head. She gave me a pat on my shoulders and smiled. “I know you have a lot on your shoulders, Camila. I hope you’ll trust me enough to tell me anything you want to one day. I’ll be here.”

Confused, I just gave her a nod and mouthed a ‘thank you’ before watching her leave the room. I wished I didn’t know what she meant, but I knew. I knew too well.

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