Attention ||BOOK 2|| Park Jimin

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Park Jimin

It's only been 2 weeks.

2 weeks since.

2 weeks since my mistake took the best of the one girl that actually held my heart in her precious hands.

2 weeks since the day that created the guilt that ate up my mind.

I couldn't believe it.

I thought my mistakes couldn't get worse.

They did.

They have.

I feel like complete sh*t.

My dreams the other day kept me in bed for 10 days straight. I couldn't get up. I felt...paralyzed.

Namjoon called me everyday and I declined his call. My other friends tried to contact me, but I couldn't speak to anybody.

I wanted to be alone.

So I wouldn't make any more damn mistakes and hurt any more damn people that I love.

Namjoon even visited, but I didn't have enough strength to open the door. I didn't want to talk to him anyways.

It was like I was locked in a mental prison.

I couldn't get out.

I didn't eat anything. I felt like I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve to make my body feel good. It seemed impossible, but after starving the first four days, I got used to it. Besides, the days forwarded with nothing, but blur and headaches.

My mind didn't focus on all that anyways.

I was slowly dying in my guilt.

Guilt was all I had.

Guilt was pushing me down against my bed.

Guilt teamed up with regret and beat me hard in my own mind and body.

My mind wouldn't give me a f**king break! I COULDN'T GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD!

And if that wasn't enough...

My own question floated around my head the entire time and could I answer it?

No.

When can I see Grace?

When should I see Grace?

Am I ready to face her?

Is she ready to face me?

I didn't know.

I want to be.

But am I?

I want to see her face.

Last night, I was finally able to get out of bed and finally take a shower.

I finally cleaned myself up and ate something.

*beep beep*

*beep beep*

It was Namjoon.

I finally answered.

"Jimin?"

"Yes." I coughed.

After not speaking for 4 days, my voice seems to sound so unfamiliar and hoarse.

"Oh, geez, where have you been for 2 whole weeks, man? Why haven't you answered my calls?"

I sighed. "I-I've been drowning in my own guilt and mistakes. I'm not in the mood to interact with anyone."

Except her.

"Jimin..."

"Look, bro, I don't need a speech right now. Nothing is going to make me feel any better as of yet."

Not until I see her.

"Jimin, I have to tell you something."

"It should wait, ok?" I took a long breath. "I think I should see Grace. I want to apologize. Is she out of the hospital now?"

"Yes, but-"

"I'll go visit her at her home. I need to apologize and explain myself. If I keep myself hidden any longer, I'm gonna fall into the same hole she fell in. I need to see her."

I hang up the phone before Namjoon could speak more and I chuck it towards the couch.

I grab an umbrella and walked out of my house.

I need to apologize, Grace.

I need to see you, Grace.

I need to face you, Grace.

Grace, I need you.

=

I ran out of my house.

I jumped into my car and drove away, not bothering to put on the seatbelt or look for any cars.

I don't know why, but my body and my mind was only on Grace. I was only focused on getting to her.

I parked a couple of houses away from hers, then left my car to run to her house.

I was getting impatient.

I ran with my umbrella.

I ran through the pouring rain with heavy breaths.

Must hurry.

Must.

Be.

Quick.

My heart was fast before, but now it's even faster.

I slowed down my pace.

My chest rose and fell and rose and fell. My shoes were completely soaked and my hair was kind of wet from the wet wind.

I can't believe I'm going to see Grace for the first time after...what happened. She seemed so far away from me and it feels like we haven't seen each other in years.

What should I expect?

What will she say to me?

What will I do after?

I'm so scared, but excited.

She's going to hate me.

She's going to want me dead.

I don't know.

I need answers!

I can't keep making myself wait when all I can think about is HER!

I want to tell her that I love her.

I want to confess everything.

I want to apologize and make it up.

Will she give me another chance?

After all those chances she already sacrificed for me?

I walked past the houses and came across hers, calmly resting under the rain.

"What..."

Her house?

With a "FOR SALE" sign stabbed on the green lawn.