Come What May

#30

It had been a hard few days for all of them, Connie having to watch Hollie in pain, being sick and in her eyes deteriorating, Jacob having to be moved out of Hollie's hospital room, as the risk of infection was to high for her, Connie having to wear face masks and gowns when entering the room and had to cover her hands in hand sanitiser liquid.

The hardest part for both Connie and Hollie was not being able to having physical contact, they were always cuddled up together when at home of Connie would cuddle Hollie as soon as she picked her up from school or Hollie walking to meet her after her shift, but now they couldn't even touch hands, Connie couldn't lie with Hollie, she couldn't comfort Hollie at all and that was killing Connie, seeing Hollie looking so sad and miserable and she couldn't even give her a hug to make her feel better.

Hollie laid crying on her hospital bed as another nose bleed started, she'd been having regular nose bleeds that would last for hours, since she'd had the transplant and this had  meant she had to have blood transfusions as she'd lost of much blood, Hollie's skin became paler as her blood was low and all Connie could do was sit and watch, Connie hated it, she could see how this was all effecting Hollie but there wasn't anything she could do, they just had to wait it out.

Tears ran down Hollie's face, as she lay on her side, her eyes fixated on the blue skies out the window, her voice vulnerable and hurting 'I just want to end it all, my....this it's....it's to much....I just wanted to be better' Hollie gripped the pillow she was cuddling up to tighter, as the tears slowly rolled down her cheeks.

Connie couldn't help but break down, she crouched down beside Hollie's bed, taking Hollie's hand 'soon it will all be over, you're be at home in you're own bed, complaining that i'm making you clean you're room' Connie gave Hollie a small smile, Hollie didn't respond to her smile, Connie just saw the fear in Hollie's eyes, the hurt, she could see how frightened her little girl was.

'Mum all I want is a cuddle' Connie cupped Hollie's face 'I know baby but' Hollie sighed and turned away, laying back down, she closed her eyes not wanting to see or speak to Connie 'just go then....go see dad....I want to be on my own'.

A lump rose in Connie throat 'Hollie please', Hollie stayed with her back to her Mum: 'I want to be on my own', pulling the duvet up around her, Hollie closed her eyes again, trying to take herself off to somewhere happy, but she knew it wouldn't last, all she wanted was her mum's arms around her telling her it was going to be okay.

Connie tried one last attempt placing her hand on top of Hollie's 'Hollie please' Hollie snatched her hand away, her voice angry and cold 'LEAVE ME ALONE', Connie stepped back, shocked at Hollie's outburst, she'd never experienced anything like that from Hollie, they were always so close, Hollie had never spoken to her so coldly before, a single tear rolled down Connie's cheek.

Connie sighed as she walked towards the door 'Hollie I love you and this will all be over soon' Connie waited for a response but it didn't come, she left the room, tears rolling down her cheeks, faster than before.

Connie walked towards Jacob who was coming to surprise her as he'd been discharged, he saw her how her body hung, how her head was low and she'd crossed her arms tightly across her chest, Jacob didn't need to see her face to know she was crying, 'sweetcheeks' Connie looked up to him, Jacob opened his arms up for her to run straight into, he held her tight as she sobbed into his chest.

'Sweetcheeks what's the matter?' Connie held his top tightly 'she doesn't want me around, I can't hold her or touch her and she....she says....she wants it to end....her....she didn't say it but she implied her life Jacob...I mean she can't mean it can she....she just pushing me away and I hate it....I just want it over with....I just want to hold her and tell her it will be okay' Jacob kissed the top of her head 'let's tall to Doctor Chimes see if we can do anything else'.

They stood outside Hollie's room, Connie stood watching as Jacob and Doctor Chimes talked, Jacob came back over placing his hand on her shoulder.

'Connie....con' she didn't take her eyes off of Hollie 'yeah' Jacob sighed 'he said all this is normal, that the nose bleeds is something very common and them being extra vigilant with cleanliness is able to keep her protected, he said her feeling that way was normal, he'll get someone down to speak to her, sh is only a teenager and this is a lot for anyone to take on let alone a teenage girl who has stopped her friends from seeing her....he said they are due to do more blood tests tomorrow with it being a week since her first transplant to see how it is working'.

Connie placed a hand on the window 'I don't care about the ins and outs I just want to hold my daughter, to know I'll get my babygirl back after all this hurt and pain, to know I'll get back the strong bond we had' he closed his eyes as Charlie came on to the ward, he'd heard Connie's outburst.

'Connie darling maybe you need to go home and get some proper rest, come back in the morning when you've slept in a bed and had a bath to relax, everything will seem brighter in the morning' Connie sighed knowing she was exhausted but not wanting to leave Hollie, Charlie's eyes followed Connie's eyes 'Connie I'll stay with her, she won't be on her own' Connie closed her eyes, knowing Charlie was right, maybe the space would do them both some good, she knew she needed to give in now and except his help, she nodded at Charlie 'good luck with talking to her, she refused to talk to me she kicked me out'.

Charlie pulled Connie into his embrace 'she reminds me so much of you...remember you told me you were leaving because you didn't want my help...didn't need me....only wanted you're Mum.....but you came back...told me you wanted me...broke down as I hugged you' Connie looked up at him, he could see the hurt in Connie's eyes and the tears that were ready to fall, Charlie placed a caring hand on Connie's cheek 'that's exactly what she is doing, she pushing you away because really she wants you more than anything but she can't have you...and I think for tonight you both need space, let her realise she need you, go home and sleep' Connie took a deep breath before nodding, her eyes turning back to Hollie 'kiss her goodnight for me...tell....tell her I love her to the moon and back and to infinity and beyond, that no matter what I'll always be her Mum no matter how far she pushes me away'.