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contains spoilers of you haven't seen the end of the Inashiro vs Ugamori (is that how you spell it?) game
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placed in your POV & lowercase bc i'm lazy whoopsie daisy. woah that rhymed.
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here i was, waiting behind our dugout for Mei to finish talking with the coach. we had just lost, and it wasn't even the finals yet. i'm sure the whole team was disappointed and upset with themselves, but i knew it would be the hardest on Mei. he blamed himself for every loss they had, but this time it really was his fault. he refused to listen to Tadano's signs and threw the ball on his own accord. but i wasn't angry. i wouldn't blame him for that, even though i should, because he felt that that was the best course of action, but it cost them the win. when i saw the coach leave the dugout, and Mei wasn't behind him, i got worried. so i hesitatingly opened the door, stepping in. all i could hear now was Mei's cries. i walked towards him in the dim light.
"it isn't your fault, Mei. don't be so hard on yourself." i try and say, but he just shakes his head, tears streaming down his face.
"it's all my fault, and you know it!" he says loudly, and i sigh.
"no, it's not." i reach out my hand, going to place it on his shoulder. but it didn't quite make it there. Mei, in all his distress and anger, hit my hand away before i could touch him. i gasped, holding my hand to my chest as i looked down at him. he snapped his head up, regret in his teary eyes. he opens his mouth to speak, but i beat him to it. "if you didn't want me here so much, you could have just told me to leave." i tell him softly, and he reaches his hand out to me, but i flinch back. "no, don't touch me." i say harshly, and his regret gets bigger by the second. "just hurry up. the teams waiting for you." i say gently, before leaving him alone. after i close the door, i hear him let out a defeated yell, and kick a chair. i could hear him slap his hand on the wall in frustration and his loud cries of regret. his teammates look at me worriedly, and i give them a shaky smile. i couldn't believe that Mei had hit my hand, but again, i didn't blame him. he was going through the pain and agony of the loss. and i loved him too much to blame him for anything.
yes, i was in love with Narumiya Mei, and i'm sure he didn't know. no one really notices my feelings at all, apart from when they're really damn obvious. like now, i'm sure everyone knew that i was hurt and worried about Mei, but they didn't say anything to me. i didn't have Harada here anymore to consult with, like i always used to after a loss, because he was the only one who knew of my feelings for Mei, and he knew how hard he took any loss. so the only thing i could do was give his teammates that shaky smile and hope they didn't suspect anything.
they didn't.
but as soon as we left the stadium, we were surrounded by fans, telling us it'll be better next time. i hated when people did that. they say we did a good job, but we didn't win. we'll do better next time, but it wasn't enough this time. i hated it, i hated it, i hated it. we stepped onto the bus, sitting down in our seats. i sat at the very back, my bag in the seat beside me so no one could sit there. Mei walked onto the bus, and looked at the seat beside me. i could tell he was hurt, because i had filled up the seat he sat in on the way here with my bag, not allowing him to sit there. but i didn't care. i stopped caring after he hit my hand away. he turned around, grabbing a seat in front of me, and that's when the waterfall started. i leaned forward, my head in my hands as my elbows rested on my knees. i cried and cried and cried. i cried because i we lost the game. i cried because i was hurt, and because i had pushed Mei away when all i wanted to do was comfort him.
and maybe i didn't have the right to cry. because i wasn't on the team, because i didn't play in the game myself. and maybe i didn't deserve to be able to comfort the ones who did play in the game. maybe, maybe, maybe. but i didn't care about any of those maybes. because i was crying now, so all of those didn't matter.
