Boys and Rooms | 민 Yoongi (✔️)

fifteen

Friend(?)

Today is Friday, 9th September, a day before my birthday and honestly, my feelings are mixed about it. I usually don't see my birthday as something special, it's just another day for me. However, this year feels different. I'm highly anticipating it because I know I'll enjoy it very much. It's not that I haven't enjoyed the previous but now, for once in my life, I'm surrounded by people that I care about and who care about me as well, with people that bring out the best of me, the ones I'm able to laugh for the smallest things without being judged.
I planned a small party in our apartment for the occasion. All of the invited ones, Jin and Jiyun, Jimin, Hoseok, Yoongi, Tae, Jungkook and Jisoo, have confirmed their attendance. I wanted to invite Namjoon too, but since his birthday is just two days after mine, I assumed he's going to throw a party himself as well so I thought there's no point in doing that. We'll go splurge on a piece of cake or something together sometime later.

I'm currently walking back home from class, the time being past 3 pm. The weather became colder these days, autumn slowly approaching. I stopped at the coffee shop on my way home so that now the caffeine runs through my veins, energizing my body and my mind.

The past week or so has been pretty stressful. College started, which means less free time and more work. But it's easily manageable because I love my chosen major. Me and Namjoon also found out our schools are at really similar location, so we are having lunch together for the most days. My class-mates remained the same except for one girl named Sohee, who dropped out and  started studying acting. At least that's what I have heard.
I've been thinking recently about my Yoongi situation. Why do I think I should get over him but at the same time not? I realized that I only feel like it because we live together. I imagine how we get together and then break up, making things extremely awkward and tense between us and I don't want that. But on the other hand, wouldn't it be nice to share an apartment with your boyfriend? Jin and Jiyun are the proof that the answer to that question is yes. I see myself as a pretty confident person, for the most part, so the action of starting a conversation with someone isn't really a bother to be. But then, there's Yoongi. I wish to gain confidence to tell him what I feel. When I finally do, the thought of rejection and the following awkwardness turns me down immediately, so I remain as I always do, his friend. I can at least try to become closer to him.

Coming back to reality, I have just arrived home. I hope Yoongi is already home.

"I think he is," a voice behind me speaks up.

"What?"

"I think Yoongi is home," the voice repeats. I turn around to find out it belongs to Hoseok, who same as me, has just arrived home. Shit, did I say that out loud?
"Yeah, you have just said that out loud," he says like he's reading my mind. He giggles after, making my cheeks ever hotter.

"Sorry, I haven't realized that," I try to laugh it off, but he just curiously looks at me.

"Why though?" He asks.

"Why what?"

"Why do you hope Yoongi is home?" He raises his eyebrow, expecting an answer. I sigh, giving in.

"Let's go to your place, I'll tell you," I say, my words uneasily slipping off my lips. He nods and finishes unlocking the door, letting us in.

I don't follow him to sit down. Instead, I get straight to the point as soon as the door behind us is closed.

"I like Yoongi," I tell him, being straightforward and honest. My head lowers, avoiding his eye contact. He doesn't say anything at first. I imagine his shook expression from my confession.

"You do?" He asks like he can't get the fact into his head. I move my head up to face him and slowly nod.

"I do."

"That's unexpected," he comments, scratching the back of his head. "I.. uh, I don't know what to say."

"It's okay Hoseok, you don't need to say anything," I nervously smile at him.

"But I feel like I should, I'm your friend," he lets his eyes find the floor, losing the sparkle that's usually always in them.

"Ah, it's fine, really, don't worry," I reassuringly pat his shoulder to cheer him up.

"Shouldn't you just tell him? I would do that."

"It's not that simple Hoseok, he would probably reject me," I turn his suggestion down.

"Are you sure?"

"I think so, yeah," I awkwardly move from one foot to another. "I'll go now," I say a few seconds later. "Thanks for listening." Hoseok nods.

"Anytime Y/N," he smiles. "I'll keep it to myself."

"Thank you," I say and hug him before saying goodbye.

Coming home, I hear a noise coming from the kitchen. I hurry to look what has happened.

Yoongi is in the kitchen, picking up the shattered pieces of the glass he accidentally dropped on the floor. I instinctively go to help him.

"Ah, you don't need to help," Yoongi calmly says.

"It's no big deal," I reply. "Hi."

"Hi," he greets back and picks up the last big piece of glass. Before getting up from the squat, he looks at me. The feeling of his eyes on me turns my head to return the look. Our gazes meet, our faces inches away from each other. If I was a character in a movie, I would probably went for it and press my lips against his but I'm not, so I only let myself stare. My heart beats faster with each second, my hands becoming sweaty.

With just one blink, we fall back on Earth, apologizing and quickly finish doing what we were doing and at the end disappear in our rooms. 

Closing the door of my room calms me, a deep breath leaving my throat. I throw my bag by the table and plop on the bed. I cover my face with my hands, grinning like a schoolgirl after holding hands with her crush. My reaction is definitely odd, but I can't help it - the smallest moment of us being so close makes me happy recently. I'm also kind of happy that someone else knows my feelings towards Yoongi, it feels like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.

I finally force myself to get up and change into comfy clothes and start studying.

About an hour later of making notes, I decide to take a break and go grab myself a snack. Coming back to my room with a granola bar in my hands, a knock on the door makes me turn around on my heels right away.

The one standing in front of my room is Yoongi.

"I... ah... I don't know how to tell you this.." he stutters.

"Just get to the point," I order him, arm-crossed. He deeply breaths in and out.

"I can't be at your birthday party tomorrow," he finally tells. I widely open my eyes, thinking he's joking.

"What? Stop joking," I say.

"I'm serious," he replies. "I'm so sorry, Namjoon is throwing his birthday party as well tomorrow and he's a better friend of mine than you are, so I decided to attend his," he explains. My heart shatters and I can't think straight. Tomorrow, on the best day of my life, at least I thought it was going to be, just got the worst. I really wanted him to be here. Him, the boy I like. "I'm so sorry Y/N," Yoongi apologies again, his eyes seem genuinely sad and sorry. I look away from him to make sure he doesn't see my teary eyes.

"It's okay," is all I manage to say before I close the door in front of his face.

I throw myself on the bed, letting my tears runs down my cheeks. It hurts realizing you aren't your crush's best friend even though you know it very well. I feel let down, betrayed more than I feel sad. I hate Namjoon, I hate Yoongi. I hate myself for being born on tomorrows day. I can't think straight, my mind is all over the place while facts sink in my brain.
I grab my pillow and tightly press it against my torso. Even though it's not late at all, I drift to sleep with dry tears on my cheeks.