Stubborn Love.

Chapter 136

Chapter 136

Niall

I'm glad she didn't wait any longer in my room but spotted me outside and decided to join me. And I'm glad she was okay with going for a little walk. I still have no idea how it'll go, me talking with her about us and explaining to her that what we did just an hour ago can't happen again, shouldn't happen again. I know I've changed my mind in just a matter of minutes but it's for the best. I still want to have her staying with me the night, but that's it. No sex. The only thing I want is, to have her falling asleep in my arms and waking up like that again. That is what I want to happen and it's obviously not nothing.

"Niall, you still with me?" She stops walking to look at me. I didn't even noticed her talking to me. Well I must have been lost in thoughts.

"Yeah sorry." She knows how to get me. Whenever she looks at me with those big eyes, shyly biting her bottom lip, I can't, but have to take her beauty in. "Have I told you how stunning you look tonight?"

"Shut up and tell me what the hell is going on, Niall." She raises an eyebrow but a smile hushes over her face.

"We shouldn't have slept together." I burst out. Crap. When Kelsey doesn't say anything but keeps staring at me, I take it as a hint to better go on or she might take it wrong and run off. Again.

"Okay that sounded not like it was suppose to sound like. I mean.. oh for God's sake.. I just want to be with you, as boyfriend and girlfriend. I've wanted that since the moment I first kissed you." I throw my hands in the air.

She blinks with her eyes before closing them for more than a second and then taking a deep breath. Maybe I shouldn't have said that I want her to be my girlfriend but to be honest, there's not much to lose anyway.

"Niall.." Silence. Does she want me to say something? Well I don't have anything to say right now. I'm good with listening to her words

"I can't be your girlfriend. It's not that I don't want to be together with you but after everything that has happened in my life, I just need to focus on myself for a bit. That doesn't mean that I don't want to see you because I want to see you. I need to. I've missed you, a lot but..." I get where she's coming from but that doesn't make it any easier for me to not be sad, because I am. Very sad. Hearing those words from her, it's hard and frustrating and it hurts.

"Why can't we just hang out and have fun and do whatever we want to do? I mean you're going to be away a lot. You have a single coming out. You're going to be busy and I've said it before. I don't want to be that girl who sits at home waiting for her boyfriend every day, hoping he could make some time for her. That's not who I am and that is not who I want to be." She is close to crying. It must have been hard for her to say all of this but that doesn't help me feeling any better. I have two options. I could leave her alone and get out of her life or I could try to be her friend, that kind of friend I should have been the past few months but haven't been.

"Come here." I whisper and grab her by the arms to pull her closer to my body. She doesn't fight against my grip and once I hold her very tight, I feel a wetness on my chest. I was right. She is crying. I once again made her cry.

"Just don't leave me again. I know that you want more but that's something I can't give you right now." She sobs. Why does it have to be so complicated? There's no answer to that. It's just the way it is and I can't change it.

"Shht.. it's okay." I tighten my grip around her shoulders. "I understand." I say and mean it. I really do understand. She's been through a lot and focusing on herself instead of on others might be the right thing to do. For now at least. There's another thing I know, though. I won't ever stop trying because there's still a bit of hope left.