Don't Lose Faith (Ashley Purdy Fanfic)

Chapter 35

     We soon stopped in a small wooded area, fireflies dancing around us as the stars twinkled like beautiful little lights from above. Jace sat me down and looked at me as I avoided eye contact.

    "Scar? What's up?" He asked me, worry and concern on his face. "Im fine, Jace." I replied, finally meeting his sparkling blue eyes. They calmed me, reminded me of childhood and summer nights, fun times and fair.

    He only stared for a second, a brow raised as he flicked his jet black hair from his face. "Don't bullshit me Scarlet, I know you way too damn well for this." He said sternly.

   I sighed glancing up at the stars, choosing my next few words carefully. I knew exactly why I was feeling this way, I just thought it'd have happened sooner and was happy when it didn't. "My past, Jace. All those guys, what they did to me, I can't forget. I can't get over it." I said, my voice catching in my throat as I spoke.

     I looked back at him as he pulled me tightly into his arms. He sighed. "What triggered it?" I stayed silent, blushing at the memory. "Your Dad?" I blushed even deeper now, shaking my head. "What is it? You're as red as a tomato." He murmured stroking my hair. I felt eyes on us but ignored it, thinking I was imagining things.

      "Ash and I. We.... um...kinda... " I trailed off, unsure of how to word this. He looked at me weirdly, as if he wasn't sure or didn't exactly believe what he was thinking.

    I sighed. "I lost my virginity, Jace. It's so fucking annoying to be feeling like this right now! I love him, I regret nothing but I can't fucking get over it all. Why the hell can't I? Why can't I just be normal for one second?! I mean dammit, Jace I haven't changed since freshman year!" I heard a twig snap and spun, seeing Ash standing there with a hurt expression.

     We stared at each other before I decided to speak. "How much did you hear?" I asked him. "Im gonna leave you two to it." Jace murmured gently. I nodded and took a step closer to Ashley.

     "Enough." Was his short reply. I'd hurt him and I knew it. I fuck everything up. "Why didn't you tell me you felt this way? Get this way? I'm your boyfriend for christ sakes, you should be able to talk to me!" I only nodded, he was right. I closed the space between us and slowly wrap my arms around him.  He wrapped his around me securely as I began to speak, looking up into his beautiful brown eyes.

    "I never anticipated this. I never wanted it to happen. I felt different with you, better, happier. Healthier.... Ashley you're right, I should have told you but I was scared. Don't ask why, I just was. I love you though and regret nothing that has happened between us. You're are the only person I'd ever want to be my first. Know that." I leaned up and kissed him, lingering on his lips for a second before pulling away, looking into his eyes.

     He grinned at me, not fully reaching his eyes but it was better than nothing. "Sucking up, darling?" I giggled, smiling up at him.

   "In a way," I winked. "but it was more to prove a point. Im broken and I know you get that but I'll never regret a single thing with you, Ashley. I trust you." I spoke softly, smiling gently at him.

    He grinned at me before leaning down and kissing me passionately. I kissed back, my eyes slipping shut. Letting my arms slip from his waist to his neck as his tightened around me. He released my lips from his hold, leaning his forehead against mine. "I love you, too Scar. "

     I opened my eyes, seeing his beautiful orbs shining back. I grinned and pecked his lips one last time before pulling away. He stopped me before I could take a step. I was about to ask him what he wanted when the ground disappeared beneath me. I sucked in air, hard and fast, startled by the movement but soon relaxed into Ashley's chest as he carried me bridle style out of the woods.

     My anxieties were slowly lessened the longer I was in his arms. It was as if he were the one thing I needed to help make everything better. I had never felt this way for someone, sure Jace helped and could stop the anxiety attacks but with Ash, it was different. Stronger, more concentrated of a relief somehow, not to mention I loved him in a whole different way.

    "You know, Im so glad I gave you a chance. You somehow make me feel so much better, in a way I've been craving for years." I told him, looking up at him. He grinned and kissed my forehead.

    "So am I, darlin, so am I." He murmured back.

     We entered the clearing and sat down. He pulled me onto his lap and wrapped his arms firmly around me, refusing to let me go. I was far from bothered and leaned back into his chest rest my arms over his and holding his hand as he rested his chin upon my head.