Desire 2

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Chapter Thirty-Eight

I approached the door, gently hitting it beneath my fist and waiting for it to open. I stood for a solid minute before Zach opened the door, a cup of coffee in his hand. 

"What's wrong?" he asked, alarmed. 

"I just needed someone to talk to about everything," I almost weeped. 

"Well no one besides me is here," he shrugged as a laugh escaped my mouth. 

"You were actually the one that I wanted to talk to," 

"Really?" he almost laughed as I smiled, "Well, then come on in," 

I stepped inside the apartment which smelt strongly of colonge and coffee. Zach had a book spread over the couch as I took a seat beside it. 

"Is this about Colby?" he asked, sounding someone emotionless. 

"No. I just don't know what to do anymore," I laughed. 

"Tell me about it," 

"I just walked in on Drew and his ex-finacè in bed," I stated without an ounce of emotion present on my face. 

"Shit, Cam. Are you okay?" he asked, setting his cup of coffee down beside him.

"Not really," I laughed, "I'm kind of a mess. I've been trying really hard to be strong and to be this person who didn't need a guy but when I saw Drew this morning with someone else, it just broke me. How do you look at the person you love and see them with someone else? How do you look at them and want to hug them and kiss them but punch them and kill them at the same time? How in the hell do you have so much love AND hatred for one person? How do you still love them after they put you through so much hurt? Zach, how do you do it?" 

Zach took a deep breath, "You don't do anything. It's hurts. So bad. It physically makes you hurt to see the person that you love with someone else. Believe me, I know first hand. But it does get better. I can promise you that and you talking about being strong? That's wonderful and jolly but if you don't find some kind of way to get that anger and frustration and awful pain out of you, you're not gonna get any better than you are right now,"

"I'm sorry for the pain I caused you. All of it. Especially now because no one should have to feel like this," I spoke, breaking down into tears. 

Zach pulled my hand towards him and wrapped me in his arms. 

"It's okay. It's all gonna be alright," he spoke, his arms wrapped around my shoulders placing, a kiss on my forehead. 

"Thank you for being here for me. You always were the one who ended up as my hero," I sobbed into his chest. 

"Your hero was all I ever wanted to be," he spoke, his voice becoming shaky, "I still love you, Cam," 

"What?" I sat up, immediately. 

"It's a different type of love now. It's like I can't stand to see you in pain or hurt by some douchebag guy. I want you to be happy and in a perfect world, me and you, we'd start over. We'd eventually fall back in love, we'd get married, leave Miami, start a family and we'd live happily ever after but I personally think I know how this story is gonna end. I have an idea of how exactly I want it to end but I don't think that's gonna work out. That's why I finally let you go at the hospital. It was because I loved you. I still love you, probably more than I've ever loved anybody in my entire life. I love you so much that it's almost impossible to think about loving anyone else in the same way. But I have to try, right? I have to move on even though I whole-heartedly believe that you're the one. I have to let you go because I know someone out there can love you better than I can. Someone can treat you better than I can because God knows I've put you through a lot. I believe that it's okay not to be okay, though," 

I sat in astonishment at what he just said and it finally clicked. Maybe one day I would find my way back to Austin or Drew or maybe even Zach but that day wasn't today. Today was here and it was going to a waste by me sitting here and crying about what was going on. Maybe something would lead me back to one of them or into a completely different direction but regardless of all of that, today was today and I was never going to get a chance to relive it. And even though I was broken, incredibly broken, I finally realized that it was okay not to be okay. 

** 

I drove home, blaring the radio without paying any attention to what song was actually playing. All I could do was think. Think about Austin and Drew and Zach and just life in general. It was all such a blur. So much to where it was like I wasn't even thinking. 

I arrived home to a still house. I plugged the keys in the door and pushed it open before I was greeted with a loud "surprise!" There stood Anna, Matt, Destiny and Amanda as I shut the door behind me. 

"What is going on?" I laughed. 

"Your birthday party! Duh!" Anna smiled. 

"My birthday isn't for another five days," 

"Exactly!" Matt smiled, evily, "which is why we had to hurry and tell you about your present, considering it's kind of big," 

"What is it?" I asked, fear and anticipation growing inside me. 

"Okay so we all obviously know that you've been under a lot of stress lately and so we were thinking and were like 'hmm I wonder what could be something relaxing that she might like?' and then we immediatly thought 'a cruise!' So your gift from Matt and I is that we have paid for you, Destiny, and Amanda to go on a four day cruise to Cancun!" Anna yelled in excitement.

"Oh my gosh! Really? That's amazing! That's just what I needed! Oh my gosh! Thank you guys so much!" I laughed, running into their arms and hugging them both before turning back around to Amanda and Destiny. 

"We're going to Mexico, bitches!" I laughed as the three of us embraced each other.