The kind that sneaks up on you as you come to a dark realisation.
The kind that makes you question, wonder, think "but that's not possible".
The kind that punches you when you realise it is possible and your entire world goes black.
Shock sets in and your whole world shivers as it goes cold.
You stare into space as you realise what this means, what could happen.
that it could be all over.
You laugh to try and cover your tears, you scream to cover up your breaking heart.
but nothing can get rid of the feeling in your stomach.
What is happening to me?
your friends comfort you as you break out into a panic attack. you know they understand, they understand better than you do in fact. but this is new, and its terrifying and your world is falling to pieces, and even though you know you are loved and supported by literally everyone around you who you trust with this information, you can't help but feel totally isolated.
just you, Space and the looming figure of your greatest fear since you were a child.
I cant do this.
I feel sick with guilt at the thought of going through with getting rid of this fear, but I have to. It'll eat me alive.
For the first time in a long time, i feel totally alone and weak. I push myself to be strong in the face of anything all the time (probably not a good thing), but for the first time, i cant stay strong.
I hate to admit it. But I am scared.
My worst nightmare is potentially becoming a reality.
And there is nothing I can do to stop it from growing.
